Confessions of a Wannabe Grownup

Izzy update

2011-04-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

My sister informed me that I need to update my blog cuz my last blog was not funny. She specifically said I need to talk about the dogs. Cuz apparently my life without dog commentary is dull and boring. wonderful.

My parents are out of town AGAIN.

Izzy got all sorts of sick the day before they left. I told my mom that if I ended up having to put her down by myself, I was going to be all sorts of upset. (I had to put my dog, Muffy, down by myself, it was traumatic). But I also figured that is exactly something Izzy would do, go and try to die while my parents were gone.

No fear, two weeks later, Izzy is still alive and well. She has been on comfort care now for quite some time.

She thinks she is starving 24/7. She only does four things. Sleep, poop, eat and whine that she needs more food. After she deems a sufficient amount of time whining for more food that I ignore by turning the TV up louder, she switches to whining to go outside so that she can eat her own poop. It is so disgusting. It is a vicious cycle. Sleep, poop, eat, whine, eat own poop, sleep, poop, eat, whine, eat own poop.

When my mom is gone, Izzy sleeps in my bed. And please do not suggest she sleep on the floor. If she is left on her own on the floor, she will just spend the night peeing all over my room.

She also snores. Really loudly. Wake you up in the middle of the night snoring. Though all you have to do is flip her to her other side and she stops. She is kinda like a man that way...

Izzy has gotten especially grumpy with Shelby as of late. Shelby's very presence in a room causes Izzy to start growling. Poor Shelby, she feels so unloved.

Oh, I forgot one other thing Izzy does. She eats the garbage. We have to keep the kitchen garbage on the counter. Seriously. Our kitchen garbage can sits on our kitchen counter. Cuz of Izzy.

Tonight, she and I had it out. She just tried to attack me IN MY OWN BED!!!!! She feels as if her spot is the exact middle of my queen sized bed. Usually when I tell her to move, she does. But tonight, she tried to bite me. When I yelled at her, she bared her teeth and growled! When I went to grab her muzzle and get mad at her, she viciously tried to attack my hand!!! After a brief show down, I won. But now I can't sleep cuz I am afraid she is going to eat my face while I am sleeping!

My parents need to come back before this gets bloody.

Twitterpated

2011-02-16T21:59:00.000-08:00

"Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime. For example: You're walking along, minding your own business. You're looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. Woo-woo! You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head's in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you're walking on air. And then you know what? You're knocked for a loop, and you completely lose your head!" -Bambi

I was talking to my friend yesterday about being in love. Now, neither of us have ever been married, so we are both speaking from no experience. But I believe in being twitterpated. My friend was not so sure.

I hope that if I ever get the chance to be in love that I will be twitterpated. Butterflies in the tummy, thinking about him when he is not around, wanting to be together, the whole package. And I hope that he will be too. I know that this will not last forever, but I hope that it can be a part of my relationship.

I do not pretend to believe that marriage is easy. That love is easy. I believe it is hard. That it is hard work, probably some of the hardest parts of life. But I do believe that it is worth it. And really, that is all that matters.

my life update

2011-02-01T20:35:00.000-08:00

My ankle feels much better, thank you.

My mother left town again very last minute to go to Utah to help take care of my sister who just had ACL surgery.

Which leaves me again in charge of 2 dogs, a bunny and a hormonal 15-year-old, but this time, add to the mix a grumpy 54-year-old man who pesters me simply cuz he is bored and has nothing else to do but pester me.

So Izzy is back in my bed again.

I have to wake up every morning at 5am to make sure my sister gets up for early morning seminary. Please hold your 'my children wake up every day at 4am' comments. I am not married, I have no children and if I want to sleep in till noon, I will.

Izzy has a nightly pee break at 2am. Which works nicely with my nightly pee break at 2am except I do not have to go outside to piddle.

Also, Izzy has taken to sleeping with her head on my laptop which is in my bed at night. Weird. But to close to my head for comfort. Specifically cuz her stench wakes me up at night when she creeps to the top of my bed. She is sooo stinky. She is going to the groomer tomorrow. Thank goodness.

My mother comes home on Tuesday.

Dumb dogs

2011-01-25T19:41:00.001-08:00

My parents went out of town last week. Which in all theory should be a wonderful time as I live in my parents basement ( I know, I am super cool) and when my parents are out of town, the whole house is mine and there are no parents around to pester me. The problem being is that my family has two dogs that love my mother more than anything. She loves them more than anything also, which includes her children...dogs or kids...dogs win hands down with my mother. So my mom goes out of town and the dogs go into major depressive mode. They wallow. They whimper. Izzy tries to get sick and die. They have to be petted 24/7. Izzy poops/piddles in the house. Izzy dumps the bathroom garbage out and eats and scatters throughout the house used female unmentionables. Shelby refuses to eat. Izzy starts limping as if her leg is broken. ALL BECAUSE MY MOTHER IS GONE!!!

Now if I did not live in Hell, it would not be -23 without windchill. And if it was not -23 without windchill, I would just toss both dogs outside to bother anything and everything but me. But since it was -23 without windchill for 99% of the week my parents were out of town, the dogs could barely go outside to do their business, which left me having to deal with them inside, the entire blasted time.

Now before you go feeling bad for my poor little puppies who miss their mom, let me tell you what a great doggie babysitter I am. I took the dogs for a walk every day that is was only -10 and above. I took them for car rides. I scheduled 2 doggie play dates for Shelby. I played with Izzy. I bought them special doggie treats. I purchased a back scratcher for Shelby which she loves greatly. I pet them, I love them, I feed them AND I give them treats. And what do they do to repay me? Well, Shelby ran away. (we found her). Izzy repeatedly wrapped herself around the column outside requiring me to go outside EACH AND EVERY TIME and unwrap her to get her back inside. (Definition of an idiot: Doing something over and over again and expecting a different result) Though one could argue that the dog got exactly what she wanted, while it was me who kept having to go outside in the -23 degree weather and unwrap the stupid dog to let her back in. I reached my limit though on Monday morning at 5am. The parents had been gone a week and both dogs had been very unappreciative of my attempts to keep them happy. So Monday morning, 5am, approximately -20 degrees outside and of course, dumb dog Izzy had wrapped her leash around the pole outside. So I go trotting outside, in my not so warm pj's to untangle the dumb dog when I take a step down the stair and my ankle folds (yes, the same ankle that I hurt a year ago), my ankle folds and I end up in a snow bank. I just sat there, to tired to be mad at the stupid creature who was to dumb to not tangle herself up around the pole. I climbed out of the snow bank, my pj's covered in snow, my hands frozen from being in the snow, and my ankle on fire. Of course the dog was all sorts of happy. And now, two days later, my ankle still hurts. Dumb dogs.

1-1-11

2011-01-01T13:10:00.000-08:00

Well, as today is the very first day of the very new year, I thought I would blog. Maybe blogging more could be part of a new years resolution?? HAHA!! Probably not. I have not blogged in over four months. Though, very little has happened in those months. School overtook everything I did or did not do. But the good news is...I graduated! Truth be told, it was a little anti-climatic because yes, I graduated, but I am not technically a nurse until I pass my boards. I take them on Jan 12. There is my public announcement so if I don't pass I will be all sorts of embarrassed. But I am hoping to study lots (which is what I am supposed to be doing right now) and I just want to get them over with so that I can finally say that I am an RN!

In the meantime, I continue to procrastinate applying for jobs. No snide comments please. It is on my list of things to do. Which is what I say regarding everything that I should be and am not doing. But it appeases people and they leave me alone. It is on my list of things to do.

Summer 2010

2010-08-16T21:14:00.001-07:00

Summer 2010 is over. Where did it go? I certainly didn't spend it blogging. Though I didn't spend it doing anything blog worthy either, so all is good.

May was the end of school and Ecuador. I still have not posted all of the pictures that I wanted to post or send even one of my postcards that I insisted on buying in Ecuador. I am such a procrastinator. I have all the postcards, they are all written, I just need to finish addressing them and actually take them to the mailbox. Much to much work apparently.

June, well, I missed June. Literally, don't remember anything from June. How sad is that?

July was spent wondering what happened to June?? A lot of my friends turned 31 in July. So old....:) Ok, so maybe I turned 31 in July also. I took a nursing boards review class through Kaplan in July. Even though I will not be taking the nursing boards till January, I figured what else am I doing in July? Towards the end of the month of July, a bunch of the nurses I work with informed me that I need to be applying for jobs 6 months in advance to graduation. 6 months in advance was July. Since then, I have spent the rest of July and so far into August being so freaking afraid of looking for a job, I have procrastinated that also. All I need to do right now is write up a cover letter of sorts and a resume. The very thought of doing so sends me into a shaking ball of fear. What if they say no and I have to find a new plan? Or what if they say yes and I have to move to New York City ALL BY MYSELF!!!???? AAGGGHHH!!!! And yes, I do want to move to NYC. So badly. There is no question that that is where I want to go.

So school starts next week. My goal...write and send my cover letter and resume to the NYC hospitals I want to work for. Though, truth be told, the original goal was for them to go out by the end of July. IT IS JUST SO SCARY!!!!!!!!

Pictures from the Damien House

2010-06-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

One of the things I learned before I even went to Ecuador was the details of leprosy. We had a speaker come talk to our class about leprosy and the many myths that so many of us believe about leprosy. I previously thought it was a highly contagious, horrible disease that made your body parts fall off. Nope. I was wrong.

Sadly, I am not the only one who is misinformed about leprosy. It is such a scary disease to most people that we were instructed not to call it leprosy in the countries where it is more common because of the general fear and misconceptions behind it. People are shunned if they have leprosy. Leprosy is also called Hansen's disease. The term of Hansen's disease does not instill fear in people so it allows for better treatment of the patients.

Hansen's disease (leprosy) is in fact, not very contagious at all. Only 5% of the entire human population are even susceptible to it. And if you are one of the 5%, you have to have long periods of time (months to years) of direct person-to-person contact. It can not be spread through skin or by touching someone who has Hansen's disease. It is spread similarly to a cold, through the droplets in the air.

Hansen's Disease is rare in developed countries such as the United States. But it is very common in third world areas of Asia, Africa, and South America. However, "leprosy could be eradicated worldwide, if that goal were to be set," according to Dr. Julie Gerberding, the director of the United States Center for Disease Control.

The kicker of this disease is that if it is diagnosed early, it requires a very simple treatment. The treatment??? One little pill. Most cases are not diagnosed early and are far into the disease before they get treatment. If this happens they require a longer regimen of treatment, 6 months to 2 years. But no matter how long they have had it, leprosy is completely curable. The side effects of the disease with those who have had it for a long time, unfortunately, are not curable.

Patients who have had Hansen's disease for a long time suffer from neuropathy, similar to diabetics, they lose feelings in the fingers, toes, feet, etc. Since this is mainly a third world disease, most of these people work with their hands and are on their feet every day. So what commonly happens is they hurt themselves while working and they can't feel it so they keep hurting themselves over and over again. Eventually, the human body starts to withdraw itself from recurrent injury, which is why many patients have hands and feet that look like they are missing fingers and toes.

This is obviously my description to Hansen's disease. If you want a more comprehensive and/or professional explanation, http://www.thedamienhouse.org/index.html. Which is the web site to the actual place we went in Ecuador, the Damien House. The Damien House is home to 60 Hansen patients and treats about 700 outpatients.

We brought a lot of medical supplies to Ecuador. This is a picture of the supplies we brought to the Damien House.

The men playing dominoes...

This is a picture of Sister Annie, a nun who has been volunteering here since the 1980s. She totally transformed the Hansen's disease wing of the hospital and created the Damien House. She has been there ever since. Pretty amazing woman!! The guy in the picture lives at the Damien house, it was his birthday! I don't remember how old he was, but he was over 80!

This picture has a funny story! This is a room where new patients stay and get treated. They turned off the guy's TV while we were there. Once we had left, Sister Annie tried to turn the TV back on, for a good couple minutes, before the cute old man informed her that she was trying to turn the TV back on with the air conditioning remote control!:)

Me and one of the men who live at the Damien House.

This is the birthday boy who brought out his hammocks that he makes by hand! Over 80-years-old and makes these phenomenal hammocks. $20 a piece! What a deal!

Ok, I look like an evil freak of nature in this picture. But it has a good story. We were in a room that had four old men in it, all who were various degrees of sick. One little old guy sang songs for us and than one of our translators sang a song. The lady in charge tells me to sing something. The only thing I can think of is 'Once There Was a Snow Man', which I sang along with all the movements. I looked and sounded ridiculous, but whatever, I was the only one of us who would sing something. And how could anyone say no to these super cute old people?

A picture of one of the men's rooms. There are three beds in this room.

The hallway of the women's area. The bedrooms are on each side.

A picture of the lady's bathroom.

Half of one of the lady's rooms. There are two beds in each of the girl's rooms.

Me and one of the ladies...

The Damien house appeared to be a happy place. Lots of cute people! Most of them made and sold things, like the guy's hammock or the women who made jewelry and sold it to us. Everyone seemed happy and well loved!

My favorite part

2010-06-17T17:37:00.001-07:00

Warning...hospital pictures. I don't think any of them are that bad but I know some people can't handle even walking into a hospital. So just telling you in advance...

My favorite part of the trip was going to the hospital and seeing how the hospitals in Ecuador differ from the U.S. We went to a county hospital which is where the poor people go. From my understanding, there are really nice hospitals in Ecuador but you have to have money to go to them.

In Ecuador, the streets outside the hospitals are lined with pharmacies. If the patient needs medicine, even in the middle of surgery, it is the responsibility of the patient's family to go across the street and buy the medicine from one of the many pharmacies.

Most of the regular rooms in this hospital had 6 beds to a room with no privacy between beds. The patient to nurse ratio at this hospital was 2 nurses to 50 patients. The ratio gets worse at night becuase most of the nurses go home.

The patient's family stays with the patient in the hospital and really are their main caretakers. This is a picture of a family member sleeping under one of the children beds in the ER. Notice she is sleeping on cardboard. I guess this is common becuase the family is expected to stay with the patient. Also, patients stay in the ER at this hospital for days if needed. I tried to figure out why but never could figure it out.

I was very impressed with the things the hospital workers came up with. The nurses and doctors have the education but not the resources, so they came up with a lot of really good ideas. Like this one, where they blew up gloves to support a patient' heels to help prevent bed sores.

And this is one of their sharps containers.

Ok, so they clean their floors with diesel fuel. I have no idea why.

As we were touring the hospital, we saw a lot of different patients and families. One family chased us down the hall and asked us to come take a picture of their brother. We did. He had been hit by a car and was in a coma. They asked us for a wheelchair to use for him once he got out of the hospital. Sadly, he will never wake up. Not sure if the family understood that.

In the ER we saw different types of traumas. This, I thought, was the most interesting. This man had a snake bite that was being drained manually, meaning the doctor was pushing the venom out of the bite. It was extremely painful but the man did not have pain medication. Remember, they have to supply their own medication.

Ok, enough disgusting pictures. We were able to go into the pediatric rooms. Again, the families were the main caretakers. This little guy was so cute!!

I thought this was a humbling picture. The mom holding the baby's oxygen mask for the baby.

This guy was hilarious! He was blowing kisses at us as we walked by his room!

So naturally we went and got pictures with him!!

This little girl was hit by a car.

Her leg was broken and in traction. Again, they came up with their own way of supplying the weights to hold the traction on her leg. Note the partially filled milk jug.

These two little girls were in the ER with their families.

This one had been there for two days with appendicitis.

This one had just gotten there and was being treated for dengue fever. Dengue fever is transmitted by mosquitoes and has become a really big problem in Ecuador. Interestingly enough, when I went to the travel doctor for this trip, dengue fever was not even mentioned. We left on the trip worried about malaria but we came home from the trip worried about dengue fever.

I watched them put an IV in her hand. She didn't even flinch. Total tough girl!

We also had the opportunity to go into their neonatal intensive care unit. That was fascinating. The rest of the hospital was lacking in so many ways but not this area. It was almost like walking into my hospital. They pretty much had everything we do at home. Even this little guy who was basking away under his tanning (bilirubin) lights!:)

Ecuador in review

2010-06-17T17:01:00.001-07:00

I went to Ecuador on a school nursing trip. There were 12 students, two teachers and the nurse who founded the non-profit group, Hands For Humanity. She organizes doctors and nurses that go to Ecuador to do surgeries on kids, specifically club foot, and helps bring kids to the U.S. for lifesaving surgeries. We had a lot of translators with us, some for only a few hours, others helped us for days and days! I can not speak highly enough about the people in Ecuador. Phenomenal.

Ecuador was amazing. I learned a lot, specifically about traveling with different people and in a group.

We stayed in three different hotels. One of which was a 5-star and was super nice. They gave us hot towels when we checked in!!

The food was fantastic! Truly, so good! The fish was so yummy and I could have eaten the rice every day! And the banana chips, which had a name that I can't remember, were surprisingly really good also! They eat them with some sort of mayo mix, also very good!

We went to the ocean....

And I even swam in a sulfur lake...only four of us had the guts to get in. I am proud to say I was one of them!

And, of course, I saw some of these...the famous Blue-footed Booby!!

Ecuador trivia

2010-05-30T08:59:00.001-07:00

Sorry I have not posted about my trip yet. I brought home some sort of Ecuadorian bug and have been a sicko all week. I am hoping that I will feel better soon. Blah. In the mean time, a little Ecuador trivia. In the above picture, can you point out the lemons? The limes? If you guessed the big yellow ones as lemons, you are wrong!! In Ecuador, limes are lemons and lemons are limes. So if you order a lemonade, you are really getting a limeade. No wonder all my lemonades tasted slightly odd!:)

I LOVE ECUADOR!!!

2010-05-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

Ecuador was AMAZING!! Truly amazing!! I loved it!! I can't wait to go back. Add another place to my list of places I could live in a heart beat. My friend, Lena, has been there many times and told me that I would love it but I didn't understand just how much I really would love it. The people were phenomenal. I loved the big cities and the people and the ocean and the people and the food and oh, did I mention I loved the people. More to come but I literally just got home 20 minutes ago from the airport and I am going to bed.

I leave in 9 days

2010-05-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

And apparently I have not spread the word enough. Which is strange cuz I am SUPER excited. I have never been to South America and I am so excited to see another part of the world. My biggest complaint about Paris (which I LOVED) was that it was so much like home. I am really hoping that Ecuador will bring new things, new sites, new ideas, new people, etc.

For those who do not know, I am going to Ecuador on a school nursing trip. There are about 12 students going and 5 teachers. Since we do not have our RNs behind our names yet, we don't really get to do much along the health aspect of things so most of the trip is observation. We are going to an orphanage, a nursing home and a home for those who have had Hansen's disease (better known as leprosy). We will also be visiting two nursing schools and presenting health information in two health fairs. We are touring two hospitals, one for those who have money and one for those who have no money. We get to go to a place called Iguana Park (I am guessing lots of random iguanas), a Catholic church service, the ocean, an island off the main islands of the Galapagos variety, and we may have the opportunity to do a home visit and see a typical Ecuadorian's home. I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!

I am in charge of the presentation that we give at the nursing schools about us here where we live. It is going to be a PowerPoint presentation and I am hoping to make it kind of fun. It will be interesting to see if my sarcasm and attempts at jokes translates well. The goal is to include our school and our labs along with things like where we live, who we live with, what we eat and how we cook, etc. I am also doing two health presentations with one of my friends. The first will be at the two health fairs and the topic is how to prevent diabetes and the second presentation will be at the orphanage and is more geared towards teenage girls. We are hoping to do a craft project specifically for them (the majority of us will be doing craft projects with the kids). The goal is to teach the teenagers about self-worth. A big topic in a short amount of time. How do you show these girls that they are special, really, truly special and that they deserve to be treated that way? It is a daunting task.

I am so so excited to go on this trip. I have a huge interest in nursing outside the US. I hope to be able to return to either Ecuador or another South American country once I am an actual nurse. We will see very shortly if that is a for realsy goal or just something that sounded good until I actually did it. I am hoping that I blog like a mad woman about my trip when I get back. And that you all will think my trip was as interesting as I thought it was!:) But first, very first, I have to pass third semester. Wish me luck.

Count down...

2010-05-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

I leave for Ecuador in 12 days. I officially pass third semester nursing school in 9 days. I am practically packed for my trip. I have not even started to study for finals yet. Where are my priorities??

Things I have not done that I meant to do for the trip...get crazy in shape so I can hike like a mad woman. Things I did do...bought crazy cute shoes for the hikes, so even if I am huffing and puffing, (and possibly being resuscitated), at least I will have cute shoes.

Big Guns

2010-04-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had to make an emergency trip to the grocery store. I had ran out of calcium enriched OJ and this is unacceptable. (ok, and I wanted cookies, but OJ sounds like a much better reason to go to the store) So anywhos- I ran to the store and while I was there I saw this guy who had giganto arms. Not fat, more like 'spend way to much time in the gym cuz I have a love affair with my own arms' giganto. My first thought?? Gross. And I rolled my eyes. I walked by thinking how glad I was that so far I only had asparagus in my cart instead of the sugar cereal, mint oreos and OJ that would be in my cart by the end. But I also giggled to myself. I laughed because seriously, my first thought about this guy was 'gross'. Some of my guy friends think that girls love this sort of thing. There is this guy that I have met that is all sorts of buff, or so I have been told. I was never that impressed. But some of my guy friends think that this buff guy is all that and that girls love it. Now, as much as I like it when men have arms bigger than my not anorexic thighs, I think it is gross. Maybe it is just me? Or are my guy friends right and most girls really do swoon over men who have giaganto arms?

Fake eyebrows

2010-04-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

Tip of the day:

If you accidentally wax off to much of one eyebrow, do not try to make the other one match. Because instead of having just one extra thin eyebrow, you will suddenly have two penciled in eyebrows. Ugh.

Shout out

2010-03-21T15:53:00.001-07:00

A very big THANK YOU to all of my friends who helped me stay awake yesterday during my drive! THANK YOU!!! You saved my life!!!! I have the bestest friends ever.

The first day of the rest of my life

2010-03-08T16:28:00.001-08:00

Today was a big day. A really big day. Today, after over 2 years of waiting and wanting, I finally received my miracle drug. The nurse called me last week, completely out of the blue and informed me that finally, I had been approved through the specialty pharmacy for the drug. I burst into tears. For you see, my dear friends, this miracle drug of mine, will in essence, 'cure' my allergies. Yep, you heard it, cured...kind of.

My allergy doctor told me about this drug a few years ago and initially I was very hesitant. Not that it mattered. It is a very expensive drug and had to be approved through the insurance and surprise surprise, it wasn't. We resubmitted and again, denied. Resubmitted and denied...again. See the pattern here?? Until last week, out of the clear blue, I got approved. I kept it mainly to myself becuase I was sure the pharmacy and insurance people would change their minds. But this morning, at 930AM, I received my miracle drug. Two shots, one in each arm, every two weeks, for the rest of my life. But in approximately 2-6 months, my life as I know it will change.

This miracle drug supposedly takes a person with a severe peanut allergy who cannot even be around a peanut to being able to accidentally ingest up to 9 peanuts without a reaction. What this means to me is that I will no longer have to worry about accidentally eating milk. Now I will not be able to eat a piece of cheese cake, but I will be able to eat a sandwich without worrying about what is in the bread and the meat and the sauce. You get the picture? And I figure if it can beat the crap out of my dairy allergy, it can take down my daily allergens too. Imagine that?

My life is about to change. Very soon, I will no longer...

want to rip my eyes out of my head on a regular basis. I will no longer be an eye rubber. I will no longer have itchy eyes.

And since I will no longer be itching my eyes, no more eye wrinkles.

Which also means, I don't have to wear such super strong eye makeup, I can actually wear stuff that comes off with soap and water instead of super power makeup remover.

I will finally be able to be a nose breather, no more of this low level mouth breathing for me! Actually being able to breath through my nose.

No more itchy throat and ears. Which means for those who have seen me do it, no more trying to itch the inside of my ears by violently pounding on my ear on the outside and going to town on the inside with my tongue, which people can see me doing cuz my tongue pushes my throat out and it looks all sorts of weird.

I will no longer feel like crap so often. No more of this feeling like I got hit by a truck due to my allergies.

No more harassing restaurant staff. Imagine going out to eat with me without my spiel which I alternate between the 'I will die' speech which means I can't eat anything on the menu to 'I have an allergy' speech which lands me in the ER fairly regularly.

Actually being able to eat the whole meal right away instead of eating part of it and then waiting to make sure I don't get sick before eating the rest.

No longer making my friends and family take me to the ER and sit with me while I get all drugged up, freak out and look like a cat mutant.

No longer being allergic to dogs...and cats...and grass...and bunnies...and trees...and hair...and hay...and horses...and smoke...and well, you get the picture.

Being able to go to my friend's houses that have animals! And not having to shower every time I play with Shelby!!

Being able to travel and actually eat the food, meaning no longer having to bring my own dang food with me when I travel out of the country.

Being able to go to new restaurants. How fun!!!

Not having to dissect my food before I eat it, just to make sure there are no hidden pieces of milk inside.

No more ER visits. No more worrying that I am going to die cuz I accidentally ate something. No more worrying about ending up on my floor in the ICU.

No more daily medications. Really??? Really!

Now, as a reminder to me and all of us, this is all just in theory. But I have high high hopes. This really is life changing. Imagine, me being me and not the girl who is allergic to milk. Craziness.

I am thankful for....

2010-01-24T12:28:00.000-08:00

So last night, Becca dumped me to go to a party, which left me all alone on a Saturday night. Truth be told, I don't mind, but last night I felt that I should be social and adventurous. Really, all I wanted to do was watch a movie and eat cake, but no, I decided that I should be more fun, more spontaneous, more exciting. So I conned a friend into going to the House of Bounce with me. Picture a huge room full of bouncy toys, those huge blowup bouncy things from the county fairs and the rich kids birthday parties. A whole room full of them. Every kid's dream come true. This is where it is probably important to mention that I am no longer 10. I am 30. And it is high time for me to start acting like a 30-year-old. Because as I heard my ankle snap as I fell off a bouncy maze, I was instantly reminded that my body is no longer 10, no longer as flexible and as bendy and as light and as close to the ground as it used to be. As I fell and my friend and I heard the snap, immediately my thoughts turned to nursing school. They make you quit the semester and hold you back an entire semester if you break anything. And as I fell and as I heard the snap in my ankle, this is about the time when I started going into hysterics over nursing school. Which brings us to the title of this post...things I am thankful for....

I am thankful that Melanie was with me. She is pretty much amazing in every way. Since I could not put any weight on my leg, she figured out how to get us out of the bouncy maze from hell and actually had to pull me out over a large hill. She pulled me out! If she had not been there, I would still be stuck in the depths of bouncy hell. She let me wear her shoes and she wore my horrible uncomfortable heels. She helped me hop out and stood by my side as I eventually decided to crawl out of the place, scaring all the small children. She took me to the ER and waited with me and got me home and into the house and so much more. She is super woman. I am going to make her a cake. And a cape. And Becca thinks I should make her the whole outfit with the underwear on the outside. Though I don't think Melanie would go for that. But she would go for the cake...and the cape.

I am thankful that Lauren answered the phone. Here I am, freaking out. I could move my foot but I could not put any weight on it. I didn't know what to do. Lauren, one of my med school friends, did know what to do and told us to go straight to the ER to get x-rays. She also told me to stop freaking out about nursing school!

I am thankful for the nurses and x-ray techs that got me straight back to the x-ray area so that we would know right away if I had broken myself. No waiting. A pretty impressive feat for a Saturday night in an emergency room.

I am thankful for the x-ray tech who leaned over and whispered in my ear after the x-ray that there was nothing noticeably broken. Which is a huge no-no, but something I needed desperately. I was so freaked out that my blood pressure was through the roof. The bottom number was 123...it should not be above 90.

I am thankful that somehow, even though I don't drink milk or eat dark leafy veggies or take calcium pills, that my bones are super strong and did not break. Let me tell you, I was praying really hard and obviously it worked. My prayers were answered. My bones are amazing. I don't know what we heard crack but it was not my bones.

I am thankful that my sister's friend lives in the basement of our house. My parents are out of town this week and she is able to help me and drive me to school and take care of the dogs and go to the store and buy me cake and make me a cake so that I could still watch a movie and eat cake. Now perhaps it will be an entire cake, but who's keeping track?

I am thankful for Becca for being my personal slave. Bringing me things, plugging my phone in, turning my noise maker on, bringing me breakfast, water, cake, my backpack, my icepack, my drink, and it has only been half of a day!

I am thankful for Adam who just got back into town and is free all next week and has volunteered to shuttle me to and from school all week cuz I can't drive and I HAVE to go to school.

I am thankful for educational leave. And health insurance. And for FMLA. I don't have to work anymore cuz I am on educational leave but the days I did pick up for work, I will be covered by FMLA. And even though I am on educational leave, I work for such an amazing company, I still have full health benefits including ER visits, x-rays and crutches.

I am thankful for Alex for hanging out with me in the basement and bringing me lunch and dinner and ice-cream and more than likely much more ice-cream as the week progresses!

I am thankful for BOTH my ankles. This crutches thing SUCKS. I have a severe sprain and I am not supposed to put any weight on it for at least a week. Not that I can right now cuz it hurts like a mother. I can't believe how hard it is to do things without both legs. I keep looking at my other ankle in awe over how amazing it is. I am sooo glad that this is just a temporary problem and very soon I will be able to have the full use of both my legs again.

Oh, and I am very thankful for drugs. Shout out to ibuprofen and Tylenol both of which do not have any nasty side effects and can help make it all better.

Moral of this story...number 1. House of Bounce=bad. The nurses said it should be burned down due to the huge amount of people who come to the ER injured from there. Number 2: I am 30-years-old. It is high time I start acting like it. From now on, it is movies and cake. No more of this adventurous crap. Number 3: I realized how much I don't want to move somewhere new. I still will but when I do, what am I going to do without my sister and my friends who are all bending over backwards to help me? I am so freaking lucky. Lucky that I have strong bones and even luckier that I have such amazing friends and an amazing little sister. Thank you for taking care of me.

Spinning near death

2010-01-18T19:41:00.000-08:00

Today I went to my very first spinning class. I almost died. Really. It was a mix of me crying, cursing and trying not to fall off my bike. How embarrassing would that be?? I did almost fall down the stairs as we were leaving due to my legs giving out. That was embarrassing. I am currently afraid of stairs. I am always afraid of falling down stairs but now I have a credible reason to think I may fall right down them all and knock out my two front teeth...which is another fear of mine. Anywhos...

There was this girl in the class who was wearing a green tank top who had pretty much the perfect body. My friend who dragged me to this class from hell kept telling me to watch the green tank top girl and if I want to look like that, I had to get my butt off the seat. I got my butt off the seat.

I'm going to some sort of rowing class tomorrow. Same friend is dragging me to it. I imagine it will be another near death experience with me crying, cursing and trying not to fall off the machine. Here is to the green tank top girl and her perfect body...thanks for getting my butt off my seat!

Vacuums

2010-01-16T11:01:00.000-08:00

I just emptied my mother's bag-less vacuum for the first time today. It went something like this...

Oh crap.....CRAP.....swear word....cough cough....sneeze sneeze....CRAP.....swear word....Oh crap...

Luckily I emptied it in my garage cuz most of the dirt fell around the garbage bag and onto the floor and into my lungs. Oh, and I may or may not have done this all on my dad's car hood. I think I prefer bags for vacuums.

Stark naked travels

2009-12-26T14:15:00.000-08:00

This is an emergency.

I must lose weight. Immediately. I am going to start a 'get naked' plan.

One of my friends lost bunches of weight doing her 'get naked' plan before she got married. No one get up in a huff, I am no where near getting married. But soon, I will have to be seen naked. Well, kinda naked. In five months I am going to Ecuador. And to get to that country, one has to board a plane. And now thanks to a crazy man, travelers of the sky variety are being subjected to stark naked travels. Ok, not completely, but the way things are going, come May, I may have to go through security with nothing but me and my naked self. As of right now though, travelers are having to go through a full body scanner. In which the random security people, who may or may not be perverts, get to see us all nice and nakey. All of us. Wrinkles and love handles and sun spots.

Now I am fully aware that by the time I cross the naked threshold of the airport security, these poor security people will have seen many many more naked people before me. But still. I don't want to be yet another overweight American in which my naked picture may or may not be able to be saved and sent over the internet through perverted security people's e-mail accounts. Or at the very least, if me in my naked glory do get sent via e-mail, I would like it to be cuz of my stunning crazy in shape body and not for my much loved love handles.

Today was the first day of the 'get naked' plan. Today I ran. Started my 13 week 'how to become a runner' plan...again. I have started it many many many times. Obviously, not once have I finished. In 13 weeks, I will be able to run a 1/2 marathon. Or so the plan boasts. 13 weeks puts us right into April. Which is perfecto as May comes right after April and May is the naked month. Stark naked travels, here I come!!!

PS- going to Ecuador for a nursing trip. My nursing school friends and I are all going for 2 weeks in May. It is going to be supremely amazing. More to come on that.

Offically 2 semesters to go

2009-12-23T19:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I did it. I have officially passed my second semester of nursing school. I only have two left. Two. Just two. In 12 little short months I will graduate with an actual degree that will get me an actual job where I will make actual money. I can not wait. To bide my time until graduation, I have spent many hours debating on where I should go after I graduate. Where to live?? Since I currently live in freaking Antarctica, I am leaning towards someplace where it doesn't snow and there are no such things as 'ice pellets'. Actually wording from today's weather forecast! So disturbing. Anywhos...

I am free of school for three weeks. I am going to read. I can not wait! But now I am faced with the decision of what books to read. Any suggestions? Currently I am thinking I should read some classics that I managed to avoid in high school. Right now I am reading the Scarlett Letter. What a drag that one is.

And since that book is about the most boringest thing ever, second to homework, I have found myself looking for other things to do...such as clean my room. HAHAHAHA!!!! Ok, really, though. Things I want to do over winter break....

1) Throw everything I own away. Seriously. Maybe one of these days after I type those words I will actually do it. But before I move again, my goal is to have two suitcases. Just two. No more junk. Two suitcases. I have not decided if I get two suitcases per season or just two suitcases total?

2) Find decent salad recipes. I mean, seriously peoples. There are salads out there that do not have 'chef' or 'caesar' in the title and I want to learn how to make them. I have had some of them in restaurants. But who can afford a $12 bowl of lettuce? So I need to figure out how to make fancy lettuce at my house. Anyone have some good recipes out there?

3) Organize my pictures. I have hundreds of pictures. One of my friends picked up a random photo album of mine the other day. It had about 6 pictures in it. Lame. It is time to take the many many boxes of pictures that I have and put them somewhere productive. Or at least into photo albums that will fit into my two suitcases.

4) And last but not least, find a book that isn't lame. Any suggestions? In doing that, I will have a perfectly good excuse not to do any of the above things on my list. And reading good books by the fire and pretending I don't live in hell frozen over...perfection.

Really fantastic lemonade

2009-12-17T20:25:00.000-08:00

When life hands you lemons, it is all sorts of helpful to have friends that will make the lemonade for you.

I have been reminded this week about how lucky I am. I am amazed at how amazing my friends are. Seriously. Love and more love has come from all corners of my life this week. How do you even begin thanking people who have gone out of their way to make sure that we all survived this week? Words can not express, fruit baskets can not express. Thank you, my friends. Really and truly, thank you.

Humph....

2009-11-06T18:32:00.001-08:00

I have nothing to say. Just going along here. Passing school. This is good. I am going to be a full fledged nurse in one year and two months. My parents are very excited for me to move out. I think they will have thrown all of my belongings onto the front lawn by the time I get home from graduation.

I miss my sister, Emily. She is on a church mission in Pocatello, Idaho. She will be home in February. So close. She has informed us that she doesn't think she is going to call home on Christmas. Since she will be home so soon after and all. What a doofus. I still love her...even if she doesn't want to talk to us at Christmas. Though, seriously? No phone call? What a lame-o.

Speaking of sisters, one of mine had a birthday. I sent her a package filled with some of her favorite foods, all wrapped in her favorite color. I even made her HOMEMADE (not even the Nestle cookie dough, really homemade) cookies. You know what she said? "You didn't get me anything from my list." Ungrateful ingrate. But I still love her. May never send her a package again though.

Earlier this week, we lost our dog, Shelby. After searching the neighborhood and yelling her name, we found her...in our house...upstairs...sitting in her kennel.

Our neighbor lady who never leaves her house has the worlds worst lawn service. They cut our tree diagonally so as to not interfere with her tree. Her tree has grown onto our property. Now we have a diagonal tree. It looks stupid.

I am irritated with the whole pig flu thing. If I get the flu, I am just going to call it the regular old fashioned flu...regardless...just to be different.

I fell down the stairs. Dislodged a blood clot in my arm. Or so I have self diagnosed. I also had mouth cancer. Actually it was just a canker sore. But it was a close call.

Had a stupid boy incident. I had just had a conversation with one of my guy friends about how I need to be nicer to guys, how I should not expect so much. The very next day I had the incident. I found irony in that.

I had a 100-year-old patient the other day. He was determined to escape from the hospital. While we were walking, he was scoping out the exit signs. The only way I got him to turn around was to remind him how mad his wife of 75 some years would be at him if he left without her. He turned around. Smart man.

I could have danced all night

2009-10-24T23:10:00.000-07:00

To my dearest friend Megan,

What an incredible day today was. Perfect in every way. You looked spectacular. Your dress was fabulous. Classic. It was your perfect dress. Your family threw an amazing party. I could have danced all night. You are flawless, my dear. I am so happy that today finally happened. It was a perfect day. A perfect occasion. A perfect couple. Congratulations my dear, dear Megan.

6000 emails

2009-09-23T20:17:00.001-07:00

I am trying to dejunk my life. I need to work on my bedroom. Instead I dejunked my e-mail accounts. Today I deleted over 6,000 emails from my yahoo account alone. The oldest e-mail I deleted was from the year 2000. I kept 366 e-mails. That is 366 e-mails that deemed worthy of living in my inbox for a little bit longer. I need to learn to delete e-mails when I get them. Though warm fuzzies to my friends because prior to today I had kept just about every e-mail you had ever sent me. Now that is true love.

Small things make all the difference

2009-09-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with one of my best friends. We talked for 2 and 1/2 hours. As always, it was great. She lives on the other side of the country from me, so I only see her maybe once a year. Thank goodness for the phone cuz I would be so lost without being able to talk to her. Actually talk, almost as good as if we didn't live on opposite sides of the nation.

Since I have been riding my bike more, one of my best friends has been giving me and my bike rides home when it is super late or super dark or when I am super tired. I don't even have to ask, he just does it. He puts his bike rack on his car, loads my bike up for me, takes me home, takes my bike off the rack, and even sometimes walks my bike into my garage! I just am amazed at how nice he is to me and I think how lucky am I to have someone in my life who will do something like this for me. It makes my day. Every time.

One of my friends from work brought Special K bars to work today that were 'me' friendly. No dairy. Yesterday we were talking about how I have never tasted these Special K bars that one of the nurses brings in because of my allergies and so they went home and made some that I could have. Today I tasted my first Special K bar, made special just for me! And they were so good!! So nice!!! It is not the easiest thing in the world to make food that I can eat and I am always so impressed that people will put that much work into making sure that I can eat something!

Noni

2009-09-16T19:26:00.000-07:00

Noni is 10 today. For all of those who know who Noni is, you know the craziness of that. Little Noni is 10. Craziness.

Studying my brains out

2009-09-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my first test for this semester. I am very nervous and so I am studying like a mad man. Interestingly enough, I am kind of enjoying it. Though tomorrow I will be cranky and tired and I will probably cry, which is what I usually do when I am cranky and tired. It is going to be a long night and a long day tomorrow. What I have learned from this first test...I need to study more. A lot more. I am going to become a study addict. Thank goodness I kinda like it. Kinda.

Stupid cake

2009-09-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

I ate cake for breakfast. Ugh.

Eyebrow massacre

2009-09-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

Well, ladies and gentlemen...I finally did it. Really, I knew this day would come. Today, I destroyed my eyebrows. Luckily I still have two but they are now shorter and much farther apart. It makes my forehead look extra huge. I was trying to be fancy and shape them. Didn't work. For those of you who live far away, I will be fair and say that it really isn't that bad. In fact, if I just wear my glasses, I don't think you can tell. And for those of you who live close, if you can tell even with my glasses on, please don't tell me.

I did this fantastic waxing job because I got all inspired to have glamorous eyebrows....it was either that or botox. I have recently decided that I would look better if my eyebrows would just go up a tiny bit more in the center. Botox would be a quick fix. But so would just going back to the salon to rip my eyebrows into submission. No worries people, I won't actually get botox...at least not until I turn 31....

Anywhos- on the topic of my glamorous ideas, I have not had any others. Since school started, I have turned into a blob. This is not good. Last school year I turned into a blog and gained 20 pounds in one semester. Gross. I have stopped riding my bike. I have stopped eating oatmeal for breakfast, instead just eating nothing or sometimes cake for breakfast. I have not flossed my teeth. One of my friends even gave me steel cut oats to try...have not even opened the box. Poop. Tomorrow I am going to have steel cut oatmeal for breakfast. Tomorrow I will go running. Reality? Tomorrow I will at least try not to eat cake for breakfast.

Crunchy disasters

2009-08-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

I tried my friend's oatmeal suggestions this morning. Complete disaster. So much so that there was an oatmeal explosion all over my microwave and it was still crunchy. I ate it plain today. Gross. Tomorrow, I will try again and this time will try some of my comment suggestions. Which, PS to my dear friend...where does one buy steel cut oats? I could not find them at the grocery store today.

Earned my pony tail today. Rode my bike to and from work. Fell off my bike at a busy intersection. How embarrassing. Cars stopped to make sure I was alright. Pride was the only injury.

As for the eating healthy...ate plain crunchy oatmeal for breakfast, fresh watermelon for lunch, and homemade spaghetti for dinner. Oh, and four cookies and peach cobbler. Ugh. I did so well until the cookies and cobbler. The cobbler was made from fresh peaches? Does that count? Will try harder tomorrow.

Breakfast poop

2009-08-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

Yet another new goal...to try and limit the kinds of crappy foods I eat.

I have been trying for about 2 years now to slowly but surely make lifestyle changes towards what I eat. And I have slowly but surely made some changes. But they have been little tiny baby changes. I feel like perhaps now is the time to at least try to start making some larger steps. I read an article in a magazine about only eating things that have a few ingredients. I think the article suggested 4 ingredients. I don't so much care about the actual number but I care a lot about the concept. I know that I should eat more natural foods. We all know that. I want to change my diet habits to encourage myself to eat mainly foods that only have a few ingredients. If only the crappy, high fat, high sugar stuff was instead the natural foods. Poop. Instead, the natural foods taste like poop. Ok, not really. Really, I need to learn how to properly cook the natural foods so that they do taste good. I have a friend who is so good at this she made toast, tomato and basil taste good. See, my friend is my example. Every time she suggests something healthy, I cringe. But every single time she produces this amazingly wonderful food, natural plus all sorts of tasty. Soooo.....

Starting this morning I made myself good old crappy tasting oatmeal. Plain old rolled oats oatmeal. Tastes like poop. Ok, I have never actually tasted poop, but I think that my breakfast this morning would have been a good example. My first and biggest problem with oatmeal (and I am embarrassed to admit) is I can't cook oatmeal. It is always crunchy. So not only does my breakfast taste like poop, it tastes like crunchy poop. Sick on so many levels. I have tried cooking it on the stove and in the microwave. I follow the recipe to the letter. Stupid crunchy healthy one ingredient oatmeal. This morning I added fresh blueberries, which I hate; fresh cherries, which I hate; and fresh peaches, which I hate. It was a hard morning. It took me so long to eat that I was late for my lunch meeting. Eeewww. But everything for breakfast was one lousy ingredient. Lunch and dinner was not so good. But tomorrow, back to the oatmeal. And I have plans for all sorts of few ingredient meals for lunch and dinner tomorrow. Tonight I received oatmeal cooking tips. I will implement them in the morning. As for the cherries, blueberries and peaches, I will prevail. I am a firm believer that you can train yourself to like anything, including oatmeal that tastes like crunchy poop.

The secret to exercise

2009-08-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

The secret to exercise? Apparently there is none.

I just read an article from Time magazine, ( http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1914857-1,00.html ), about why exercise won't make you thin. I knew it! I knew that watching NCIS was a better alternative! My favorite part of the whole article was this paragraph.

"...in June the Association for Psychological Science issued a news release saying that "physical exercise ... may indeed preserve or enhance various aspects of cognitive functioning." But in fact, those who had better cognitive function merely walked more and climbed more stairs. They didn't even walk faster; walking speed wasn't correlated with cognitive ability."

Why I like this part so much? Because recently a group of women I know were chastised for being part of a walking group that was not walking fast enough. WHAT? This kind of mentality drives me insane. Sure, maybe they could walk faster, but if this is the only exercise that they are doing, it is better then none. One of my co-workers lectured me for eating pretzels. She said I should be eating carrots. UGH! Of course, I know that I should be eating carrots but at least I am not eating potato chips. For me, it is all about baby steps. I am currently on pretzels. Soon, I will baby step it to carrots. The walking group? Those ladies will eventually start to walk faster. But I know from personal experience. I can run dang hard and dang long the first day, but I won't run at all the next. Where if I walk/run for 15 minutes for two weeks, I will be able to continue walking/running for 20 minutes the next two weeks. Baby steps.

But what this article was really saying was that as we exercise, we get more hungry and as we are more hungry we can justify eating more and worse because of the amazing workout we just had. The author used muffins at Starbucks (not a problem) and Gatorade (ok, maybe a little bit of a problem), as examples. And this is where it pertains to me. I LOVE lemonade. I love just love any sugary drink. And I always justify myself in drinking lemonade or Gatorade because I just worked out super hard for like, 15 whole minutes. I obviously have burned away any electrolytes that my body so desperately needs so I must have to drink a Gatorade just to be healthy. Yea right. I have plenty of electrolytes left in my body after my measly 15 minute workout. It is most certainly a great goal for me to someday be the kind of athlete that needs to drink Gatorade to replenish burned electrolytes but I am nowhere near that now.

So the moral of this story is that I need to start cutting out my sugaring drinks. This is huge. I drink the Panera lemonade so much that the workers give me free refills, which is against the rules. But since I drink it so much they know me there. Craziness. But as much as I love my lemonade, I hate working out even more. And I have to work out. If not to lose weight, to at least help preserve my bone density and my arteries. And if I have to work out, I am not going to throw away the last 15 minutes of hell on a stupid lemonade. So new goal. Cut down the sugary drinks. Drink more water. I must break my addiction to lemonade. Ugh. Why can't I be one of those people who don't like sugar? I am not sure I have ever met anyone like that, but I hear they exist.

My Secret Plan

2009-08-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

My goal of becoming organized by throwing everything I own away is being pushed into the forefront.

My father has a problem. He can not throw anything away. He is so anal about it that he keeps track of how much trash is in the garbage can in the garage! If he feels that there is to much garbage out there, he will go through the entire can!! SO GROSS!! During the few times I have attempted my organization goal, he has dug through my trash and pulled out everything he deemed not garbage. Which was pretty much everything.

But my father is going out of town this week. He is going to be gone over a garbage day. The goal is to get as much stuff as I can thrown away while he is unable to pillage through the trash. The garbage people come on Wed. Only 2 days left. The pressure is on. Stay tuned. Maybe I will even post a picture of the curb on garbage day.

If only I was a lesbian

2009-08-08T20:24:00.000-07:00

Seriously. Have you noticed that girls are the best at giving compliments? When you look good, they tell you. And the best thing about girls is that they still think you are pretty darn amazing even when you are not all dressed up. As girls, we get all dressed up, we primp, we squeeze, we pluck, we, in essence, torture ourselves. All for the sake of men. And the only people who notice are the girls. And they are the ones that don't care if I shave my legs. They don't care if I am wearing uncomfortable heels or ripped out half of my eyebrow. They still love me when I am wearing flip flops and pjs and my eyebrows have become two fuzzy caterpillars. My girl friends think I am the cat's pajamas when I am in my pajamas. Dang my attraction to men. Cuz my girl friends are pretty much amazing in every way. They are wonderful. A girl could not ask for better friends. Lucky lucky me. Yay for my incredible friends! Thanks for the compliments ladies!!!

Plan B is overtaking my life

2009-08-04T20:41:00.001-07:00

I am sick sick sick of plan B. Did I miss the train to plan A? Seriously, did I miss it? I am bored with plan B. Sick of plan B. Tired of plan B. I want plan A. Now. And anyone who does not know what I am talking about is an idiot. Ok, maybe not. That was harsh. I guess there are the few who have never had a plan B. Plan A was all that they needed. Stupid plan A people. But I guess I should be grateful that I am only on plan B. I could be on plan C or D. That is a dreadful thought. Just great, now I have something else to worry about! Plan C. Oh crap. To all of my friends who are asking the same question as I am...WHERE IS MY PLAN A!!???

Letter to my friends

2009-08-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

Dear friends:
Of course I wear a helmet. I am much to fond of my head, spine and brains to take a chance not wearing a helmet. Though my helmet would not be in a very fair fight against a speeding bus. Would I look like a complete idiot wearing a full motorcycle helmet on my bike? Something for me to ponder...
Much love,
ME

Things I must do before Tuesday

2009-08-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight I rode my bike home from work. At 11PM. It was dark. I ride really really fast at night because I fear either being hit by a car or being raped. If I ride on the streets, I have a much higher chance of being crushed by a car, breaking every bone in my body or becoming a vegetable from a head/spine injury. My bones do not heal as well as they used to. And I ride an old bike. I can just see my bike tire popping, sending me head first into oncoming traffic, which will not be adhering to the posted speed limits and will not be a bunch of smart cars. Instead, it will be some crazy speeding bus. Smooshed like a bug on a bus. And if my bones are all fixable but my brain is not, my parents do not hold the same belief as I do that if I became a vegetable that they should pull the plug. Dang parents.

If I do not ride on the streets with the high speed vehicles, I have to ride on the bike path and there is one part of the bike path that goes off of the road into the dark abyss. This is where my rape victim percentage goes way up. Tonight I took the rapist option. Pedaled very very fast. Told myself that next time I will take the vegetable risk route. I don't feel like I have any good options to choose from. But the entire way home tonight, I went over and over in my head the things I need to have in my possession before Tuesday which is when I will ride at night again.

First and foremost, I need pepper spray. I personally think that pepper spray is not near as effective as I would like my form of defense to be against future rapists, but all other ideas I have had have been vetoed. I looked into getting a concealed weapons license. My friend was going to take the class with me until I told him that I wanted to be able to carry a handgun with me on my way home so that I can shoot the balls of any potential rapists. He did not think this was the safest or smartest route for me. He may have a point. My next idea was a taser. I liked the taser idea because I could fry the balls of any potential rapist from a distance. Perfect line of defense. I could defend myself from a distance. Until I learned that that kind of taser was illegal. What a joke. The only kind of taser I can use to defend myself is one that you have to actually be touching the rapist to tase him. Ummm....no thanks. So pepper spray it is. That and my pure and utter rage of any sicko who thinks he can jump me on my bike at night. He will certainly miss his balls after I remove them with my fingernails.

The second thing I need is a stronger head light for my bike. Currently my light is this little measly reading lamp like thing attached to my handle bars. I can see a small stream of light coming from it but it barely hits the ground. Fairly pointless as I want to use to it avoid large bumps, crevices, potential rapists, and road kill. Along the same lines of a stronger light, I need to first fix my bike. I am riding my mother's old bike. It is probably close to 15 years old, at least. Good old Huffys! Anywhos- the handle bars are slightly askew, pointing to the left. This is a problem because I don't so much care what is happening to my left. I am much more concerned about what is going on in front of me on the road. When I try to move my light to see in front of me, my bike takes a sharp turn to the right and I land in the bushes. The plus of landing in the bushes is that I will land and smoosh any potential rapists. The bad thing is I will land in a bush and probably break some of my tender bones. Bad news. So I need to fix my handlebars.

Pepper spray, new front light and fix my handle bars. Oh and floss my teeth.

The key to finding a husband

2009-08-02T14:10:00.000-07:00

Today I picked up my friend for church. She looked right at me and informed me that my hair was wet. Yep, I had just taken a shower so I was very aware that my hair was wet. Next words out of her mouth? "You are never going to find yourself a husband if you go to church with your hair wet." Great, just great. Apparently this is the key to finding myself a husband that I had grossly overlooked. Add that to my list of things to do. I spent the rest of the drive to church with my head hanging out the window like a dog in a pitiful attempt to dry my hair before I got to church. New goal...get up at the freaking butt crack of dawn, actually dry my hair after I wash it, put stuff in it and do my hair every day. Yea, right. According to my friend, wet hair makes me look like I don't care enough about myself. In actuality, it just means I want to sleep in instead of getting up and doing my hair. But apparently, this is not what the rest of the population thinks when I have wet hair. Stupid rest of the population. I am not sure finding a husband is worth getting up even earlier just to dry my hair. To be fair, there was not one other girl in church who had wet hair...and the vast majority of them were married. Hmmm?? Perhaps something to ponder...

100

2009-08-01T21:35:00.000-07:00

100 reasons...100 days...November 9, 2009

Triumphant

2009-07-31T22:35:00.000-07:00

Goal: To ride my bike instead of driving.

Small Goal: To be able to make it all the way up the hill on the way to work without having to get off and walk my bike up it.

Triumphant! Today my mountain was turned into a mole hill and I conquered my hill! I even made great time and arrived to work considerably less sweaty and stinky then I usually do when I ride my bike to work. Only looked half dead instead of a hit and run victim left to die a slow and miserable death. Drastic improvement. Yay for me!!!!!!!!

So happy

2009-07-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

Things that make me so happy...

1) My job. Ok, it is a drag that I am not a bazillionare and so I have to work, but how lucky am I to be employed by one the best hospitals in the world?? I get to see the most amazing things everyday. If I was somewhere else, I would not have that opportunity.

2) My stuffed penguin. He is soft. He needs a name. Any suggestions?

3) My knees. Since I wiped out on my bike, I have not been able to kneel on that knee. Little did I realize how much I used that knee every day. I love my knees.

4) One of my bestest friends may be coming to visit me! How lucky am I? I can not wait!

5) Harry Potter 6 Midnight showing! 5 hours early, playing Catch Phrase with complete strangers, running with my little sisters to be the first people in the theatre, watching awesome previews and of course, HARRY POTTER! Can't wait for movies 7 and 8!

Sometimes, things just can't get any better!

So little time...

2009-07-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

This is my second post on this topic. I pulled my last one off as my own sisters said it was confusing and if my own sisters can't follow my scattered thinking pattern, how in the world can I expect the rest of my friends to follow me...so here is a revamped version of my newest goal development.

Per #6 on my list, Be on time. I don't understand why this is so hard. Sometimes I have a valid reason, like this morning when I snoozed through my alarm many many minutes knowing I had plenty of time. That is until I remembered I had not showered in two days and as a courtesy to my classmates, HAD to shower. See, lost track of days, had to smell nice (or at least decent), therefore, was late. But still, only 10 minutes, so I was pretty impressed. But mostly I am late because I woke up two hours early and watched three episodes of FRIENDS, each episode thinking, 'Oh, I have time to watch one more', and poof, I am late.

I HATE it when people are late. I HATE it when I am late. I think it is disrespectful and rude and I do it ALL the time. I have friends where I know it drives them INSANE when people are late and I STILL can't make it on time. I can just as easily get ready to go two hours early and after I am all ready, watch FRIENDS until it is time to go, instead of the other way around.

So per this months Readers Digest, my new plan. For every minute I am late, I owe the person I kept waiting $1. I have a three minute leeway. But after that initial three minutes, the tally begins. Day one was Thursday. I ended up forking over $23 to my friend. Shameful. Day two, I was only three minutes late, so only $3. And today, I was 2 minutes late. My friend donated her newly acquired $2 to her wedding fund! I am having trouble getting my friends to take my money. I just keep telling them that I don't care what they do with it, donate it a stranger, donate to your wedding, whatever.

A potential problem with this new rule is that as little money that I do have, I am remarkably bad with my money. So bad that I may not even notice or care that I am forking out large chunks of cash. Which brings up a goal on my new list of becoming a grownup....become financially responsible. I made a new list of goals just the other day, to take the place of my old list as many of those goals have been accomplished, like flossing. But I lost my new list. Which brings to the top of my list an old goal...to become organized. Poop. So many things to work on and so little time before I become a grownup.

Torn up

2009-07-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

Today I had my very first official bike face plant. Totally fell off my bike...hard. Of course, there were plenty of people on the path to stop and make sure I was alright and make sure that I was aware that many people saw me face plant. How embarrassing! I hit the side of the path, over corrected and face planted it. Ripped my most favorite pair of pants. Ripped my brand new amazing bike seat. Oh, and ripped my knee. I was tough though. Bounced right back up, made sure my knee was not profusely bleeding and started to cry when I saw my brand new bike seat all torn up. So sad. Becca was fascinated that I was more worried about my seat over my knee. After a few tears shed over my seat, I got back on and Becca and I finished riding...had to prove my toughness. I have decided that the new rips in the seat make me look tough. At least they will once I stop crying... poor little perfect seat.

Twinkly lights

2009-07-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

Last night my friend and I went for a walk as the sun was almost gone. The fireflies/lightening bugs were everywhere and fantastic. Literally lit up the woods like twinkly lights. It was one of the most amazingly beautiful things I have ever seen. Wonderful little lightening bugs. Thank goodness there are bugs whose bums light up. It was an incredible night.

Sad news

2009-07-07T11:13:00.000-07:00

My little Izzy has Cushing's disease.

Happy 4th of July

2009-07-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

This was Shelby's (the dog) first July 4th with us. Apparently Shelby is afraid of fireworks. Oh, and so is Izzy (the other dog). Tonight when I got home, I let poor Shelby inside because she was huddled out back by the door and I let Izzy out of her kennel. I was the only one home. We live far away from the main fireworks but you could still kind of hear them and you could certainly hear other fireworks going off. So the dogs and I sat in the house. At some point during the evening, Izzy decides she needs to go outside to do her business. So all three of us go out front, only to have two dogs try to jump into my arms while I stood there. Big scary noises equal two dogs literally scared crapless. So back inside we go. I keep Izzy in my constant sight as Izzy needs to poo and Izzy likes to poo in the living room. Thus begins the trauma.

Izzy starts pacing back and forth over me on the couch and suddenly floofs ON MY ARM!! Super gross! I had doggie gas on MY ARM. Back outside all three of us go. Again, two dogs too afraid to crap let alone leave my side. So back inside we go. I call my parents, thinking they have got to be close to home. Maybe we could do a little doggie group therapy and together help the dogs poo outside and not so much in the living room. My mother suggests I try taking them out back, where Shelby lives. It is a fenced backyard so perhaps they will feel safer. I open the door, Izzy goes out, the bugs come in, and Shelby takes off across the house in fear of the big scary noises and being left outside. I shut the door on Izzy, leaving her outside, many many bugs inside and chase after Shelby. Shelby has positioned herself in an almost impossible angle to reach her collar (smart dog). I proceed to climb over her and try to man handle my 50 lb dog towards the back door. She proceeds to play dead. (Again, smart dog). I am now trying to move 50lbs of dead weight across the room, all while trying to be firm but in reality laughing hysterically. HELLOOOOO!! A dog floofed on MY ARM!! The dogs must do their duty outside and it must happen before more then a floof is left on my arm! So in the process of dragging my faker dog to the door, I pull a muscle in my back. I finally get Shelby to the door, open the door, Izzy runs in, the bugs run in and in the process of trying to catch Izzy, Shelby gets loose and flies across the room again. By this time, I am laughing hysterically, I can barely stand up straight my back hurts so bad and there is a giganto moth flying by my head. I look up and what do I see? A very triumphant Shelby perched on the couch like she owns it. Bad Shelby. She is not allowed on the couch. I try to scold her in my best Cesar impression but I am laughing to hard. I limp to the couch where Shelby sits, master of her domain, and try to pull her off, all the while trying to use my firm voice and keep my eye on Izzy in case of spontaneous poopage. Shelby just grins. It takes all I have to push her off the couch, my back is on fire, the giganto moth is trying to eat me and Izzy is slinking off to her triumphant return to the living room. I am laughing so hard that Izzy might not be the only one to lose bladder control in the living room and there is Shelby, in all her glory, grinning at me. The two dogs and I end up sitting on the kitchen floor, me popping Ibuprofen and trying to stretch out my back. Shelby just sits there giving me kisses. Stupid difficult amazingly cute affectionate calm dog. I love her. And I start laughing again. Now...where did Izzy go???

lazy lazy lazy

2009-07-01T09:41:00.000-07:00

I am lazy. Ask anyone who knows me, lazy lazy lazy. I don't even like washing my hair because I have to redo it all over again. What a waste of time. But desperate times call for desperate measures. My birthday is looming. My guy friends who have already celebrated this glorious year insist on telling me how horrible it was. I am determined to prove them wrong. So, first step in proving them wrong is to not let things get any worse. I am determined to take control of my body. That said, remember, I am lazy lazy lazy. It is especially hard to get off my lazy tush and do something physically active when I could just watch FRIENDS reruns. So starting this past Sunday, I have done something desperate. I have a new rule.

My new rule is in regards to my hair. As I said, I hate doing my hair (lazy). I wear my hair in a ponytail everyday. Those who know me can probably count on one hand the times they have seen me with my hair down. My new rule is that I can only wear my hair in a ponytail for the day if I have done a substantial workout that day. If I have not, I can not wear my hair in a ponytail. This is devastating news for me. I love ponytails. And I am not a fan of wearing my hair down, especially in the summer. I can still wear my hair up if I have not done anything but I will have to do something creative. And as I am not creative or talented with hairstyles, this means more work for me. And all the work doing my hair that day, I might as well take the time to exercise. I am hoping this new rule works. It has so far. Exceptions are only Sundays and weekends where I work 12 hour shifts. But working anything less does not count as an exception. And I REALLY hate wearing my hair down at work. So if you see me and I have my hair in a ponytail, please be sure to interrogate me and make sure I am not cheating. Here is to many more ponytail days.

Comments

2009-06-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

Quite to my dismay, one of my friends informed me that my blog won't let them post comments. Such sadness as I love comments...who doesn't? So today I figured out how to change it. Now I am expecting loads of comments...;)

Doggles

2009-06-11T22:30:00.001-07:00

The newest doggie fashion accessory! Doggles! Izzy loves loves loves to hang her head out the window. My mother, who loves her dog more than her children, was all worried that Izzy would get a bug in her eye or some horrible thing like that. Solution...Doggles!

Izzy posing before the ride!Izzy in action!

Izzy looking her coolest!

I think the doggles are pretty much about the funniest thing I have subjected Izzy to. I also think that more people should have doggles for their dogs. I would tell many people about Doggles, but I made a promise to someone that I would not mention doggles to their wife. He thinks they have enough dog accessories. Not possible. But I promised. So I will not. Even though I think that their dog would look all sorts of awesome in doggles! So I decided to blog about them in an attempt to share my message of how awesome doggles are without going back on my promise, (plus Izzy looks awesome). I know that this person has read my blog at least once. I am interested to see if anyone out there invests in these cool doggie sunglasses after reading my blog.... ( I am so tricky...;) )

Trade Secrets

2009-06-09T15:26:00.001-07:00

As I have posted over and over again, I am now wearing eye makeup. I wear it everyday. One of my guy friends informed me that I should NOT be wearing makeup every day, just a couple days a week. And I shouldn't wear it to work. What a joke. I will come right out and admit it. I wear makeup for men. I don't want to be single forever. I think I look perfectly fine without my makeup on but I also know I look better all decked out. I think I need to wear my makeup everyday. And especially at work, cuz lets be serious, I work with doctors. And I want to be looking good enough every day that just in case I meet a guy who looks at my incredibly makeuped eyes and thinks, "I should ask that girl with those great eyes to be my wife". Or at least offer to pay for my dinner. Imagine if I didn't wear my makeup everyday and that one day I were to meet a guy who doesn't even notice cuz I am looking all sorts of blah. And please don't leave a comment saying that I only want a guy who doesn't care what I look like and loves me anyways. Whatever. Does not exist.

So anywhos- back to my trade secrets. So according to this guy, makeup should only be worn a few time a week. He is a moron. But ladies, where do you wear your makeup? I don't go to the gym, but I have to admit, I probably would wear it if I went. I don't put my face on if I am not planning on leaving the house all day. Would you wear it if you were to go to the beach? Boating? Working outside? The gym? At work? Not on weekends? Share your wealth of knowledge with me cuz I have no idea and I am not about to start taking advice from a guy.

Finally, Pictures

2009-06-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

This is my new dog. Her name is Shelby. She is a German Shepard mix. She is most wonderful.
This is Shelby's "cone of shame". She had a doggie hysterectomy.
And this is the birthday cake. Not pretty, not perfect, but certainly fun.

Harry Potter

2009-06-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

IS AWESOME!! I finished the 7th book again yesterday! I am totally ready and waiting for July 14! Harry Potter 6!!!!!

Boogers

2009-06-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

Last night I had dinner with a friend and her baby. She was telling us that at nine months, babies have depleted their naturally stored iron that they are born with and now need to be getting their needed iron through food, such as the famous rice cereal. This was a concern for her because her baby was not a fan of solid food. Later in the conversation her baby starts picking her nose, much to mommy's appall. My friend said that her baby just eats all of her boogers, much to her dismay. I, of course, mention that if I were her, I would ask the doctor if there was any nutritional value in baby boogers...perhaps protein, iron, you get the just. Everyone laughed. But sadly, my dears, I would TOTALLY ask my doctor this. Cuz seriously, problem solved! A little booger now and then never hurt anyone! This makes me wonder though, that if I ever have children...will there be anything I won't let them eat?

I was SO right....

2009-06-03T08:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I doubt myself. My cake arrived safe and sound in one glorious piece. It may not have been pretty or on time, but it looked pretty darn cool, if I may say so myself. Some day I will conquer figuring out how to put pictures on the blog and post my cake. Some day is not to be today though because I am going to go take a nap. Yay for big cakes!

Cakes and Crumbs

2009-05-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

In five hours I have to get up and frost and decorate a three layer birthday cake. I NEED to go to bed. But, of course, I can not. I need to be well rested tomorrow so that in case of cake disaster, I will not have a nervous breakdown. My friend is turning 30 and she wanted a giganto cake for her birthday cake. Imagine wedding cake. Hopefully I will develop mad cake decorating skills while I am sleeping tonight! My only other cake like this was for another friend's birthday. It was a Halloween cake and it had a butcher knife on top with blood oozing down the sides. Super cool, if I may say so myself. (as I am the coolest). But tomorrow's cake is a little more worrisome. Not the decorating part. I figure worst comes to worst, my friend will have a bleeding Halloween cake in May. Worse things have happened.
The thing I fear the most is that all the old ladies are right! I do not like being put in place by older ladies who know better then I do. I am determined to be right, dang it. Though, I have a sneaking suspicion that they are the right ones. Poop. Especially since they will be right about a very large cake. You see, I want to put all the layers together in my own kitchen, decorate it and be done. All the experienced ladies tell me that I should put it together there. Well, I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT THAT WAY. Why must people constantly disagree with me? Has not everyone figured out yet that I AM ALWAYS RIGHT....or so this birthday cake depends? Tomorrow morning I will put together and decorate my cake. I will then drive it two hours (did I forget to mention the two hours part ) and deliver it to the birthday party. If said cake arrives in one wonderful piece...I was right (as I always am). If said cake arrives in pile of crumbs...well, that is why we have forks. Wish me luck.

40 things to do before I turn 40

2009-05-21T23:34:00.001-07:00

My sister and her friends are about to turn 25. Listening to them, you would think this is a major crisis. I, who am about to turn 30, have very little sympathy. They have started making lists of 30 things they want to have accomplished by the time they are 30. Since I love making lists of things I will never accomplish, I have felt a great desire to also make a list of things I want to accomplish before I turn 30. But alas, I turn 30 in two short months. Not much fun to be had in such a short time. My solution? 40 things to do before I turn 40. My problem? The list of things you do before you turn 40 are much less fun and exciting. For example...
1) Have a substantial start to retirement savings
2) Finish family
3) Have a substantial start to children's college fund
4) Have found a very good therapist for self and marriage
5) Daily wrinkle reducing cream
6) Not have cancer
7) No car payments
8) Still be married
9) Have daily commute of less than one hour
10) Still be able to convincingly deny any gray hair
11) Still be able to convincingly deny that husband has obscene hair growth on his back
12) Have a healthy and regular sex life
13) Have a healthy and regular digestive system.

See what I mean. Not much fun. Ok, 12 sounds fun. Anywhos. So I focus on my two short months before I turn 30. Two more months before I REALLY have to start worrying about retirement.
1) Finish rereading the Harry Potter series in order to be sufficiently prepared for the 6th movie.
2) Be able to stay awake for entire midnight showing of 6th Harry Potter movie.
3) Teach new dog how to sit, stay and come. And how to freaking chase a ball.
4) Lose 10 lbs by training for a 5K.
5) Sleep in...a lot.

And that, my friends, is all I want to do in the next two months. It sounds blissful! I can't wait!

You looked tired.

2009-05-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

You look tired. Why do people tell you this? All they are really saying is that you look like crap. It is the socially accepted insult. What are you supposed to say back? Yes, I am tired and thank you for mentioning that I look like crap. It is almost as bad as being asked when are you due? Nope, not having a baby, just fat. Seriously people.

Long time....

2009-05-17T06:50:00.001-07:00

It has been a long time. What has happened lately? Ummm...I bought more eye makeup. I am now the proud wearer of mascara, eyeliner, and three colors of eye shadow. I am getting pretty good at putting it on, if I may say so. But you must all promise that if I look like a fool any given day, you must tell me. You all know what I mean. We have all seen ladies whose makeup looks awful. I even knew someone whose makeup looked awful on their wedding day. How horrible. So I depend on you to tell me if my makeup application or color looks awful. I don't want to be one of those girls who have terrible makeup. What else...I finished my first semester of nursing school with a B!! WOOHOOO!!!!! We adopted a new dog. She is a German Shepard mix and she is amazing. She can go running with me if I ever decide to go running. Which brings up the fact that I skipped the 5K in which I had already paid $20 for. Pitiful. Though one of my crazy running friends said she would write me up a schedule to get ready for a half marathon in October. Hopefully. I am crossing my fingers.

Val's run

2009-04-20T09:54:00.001-07:00

Check out www.dalemart.blogspot.com for Val's details!

Val is offically a marathon runner!

2009-04-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

Val finished the SLC marathon in 4 hrs and some minutes!! How amazing is that!!!?? She totally ran a marathon and now will have bragging rights for the rest of her life!! Thanks to my super incredible friend, Jen, who went and cheered her on and took pictures! I am so excited to see the pics!
Congrats Val!!!!

Amazingness

2009-04-13T15:06:00.000-07:00

I am amazing. Why? Because in one month and one day, I will have finished and passed my first semester of nursing school!!!! Hooray!!!

But I am not the only amazing one. My friend Val is super amazing. She is also super crazy. She is going to run the Salt Lake City marathon this weekend. As in April 18. As in two days from now. I so wish I could be there to cheer her on! I am totally counting on my friends in Utah to go and take pictures! She is a mom of three girls and she still has time to train for a marathon. The only person I take care of is me and I can't find the motivation to go on a walk, let alone run 21 miles on a treadmill. Yes, you read right. She has run 21 miles on a treadmill...in ONE run!!! She truly is a huge motivation for me to get off my bum and run. Yet, obviously not enough of a motivation. Cuz my 5K is in one month and I have yet to run. Perhaps after I hear about how her and her amazing husband who is running the last six miles with her to help her finish, perhaps that is when I will be more motivated?? I am very excited for Val! I am excited that her three way cute girls get to be there when their amazing mom runs across the finish line of her very first marathon! I will be cheering for you from here Val! Listen hard and maybe you will here it. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

I have a 60-year-old bladder

2009-04-08T17:15:00.001-07:00

As you all know, I am about to turn 30. I have noticed things that have been changing as I age. Listen to me, I sound like I am 80. One drastic thing that has been changing is that I can not sleep through the night anymore without having to get up and go to the bathroom. Not ever. Usually at least twice a night. I blamed this on my age. I mean, I am not 20 anymore! This has been going on for at least a year, probably longer. Lately though, it has started to annoy me. I no longer have to be at work at 6am, so I get to sleep in longer, making my constant bathroom breaks interrupting my sleep a HUGE problem. I love to sleep. I do not love bathroom interruptions.

The other day I looked up overactive nighttime bladder problems on the internet. Come to find out one should be able to sleep through the night without getting up to go to the bathroom until you are 60! 60!!!! WHAT!!! I have been just laying down, letting my stupid bladder interfere with my sleeping schedule for way to many nights because I thought it was just what happened. NO!! My friends, we are only 30! We still get to sleep through the night!! This is unacceptable. According to the internet I either have diabetes or I am pregnant. Not likely. Better chance on the diabetes. But I WILL NOT have diabetes. I will will my body against that.

I have decided to take steps to figure out why I have to pee all night long. First idea...stop drinking so much at night. I drink A LOT at night. This may be my problem. Starting a few days ago, I do not drink anything after 7pm. I now wake up in the morning feeling like a dehydrated camel. The positive thing about this is that I drink a lot more fluids during the day. I drink like a mad women in the morning and then again around 5pm, when I realize I only have two more hours. I drink tons of water in preparation for my liquid fasting that starts at 7pm. It has only been two days and I have yet to make it though the night. But I figure my bladder just needs a few days to adjust. My sister thinks it is psychological. Chalk it up to one more crazy family problem. I would immediately go to the doctor and get tested for diabetes because I am a hypochondriac but my doctor's nurse thinks I am an idiot and so I won't go anymore. The idiot title could have come from me going to the doctors for my self prescribed blood clot in my leg. Which I don't have. Which is also another story.

Humble Age Pie

2009-04-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

Instead of studying for my test tomorrow, I will tell you all a story.

As many of you know, I work in a hospital. The other day I was taking care of a patient who looked much to young to be there. I checked out his birthday and noticed he was born in 1972. As I can't multiply 8 times 7 in my head, I most certainly couldn't figure out how old he was in my head but I knew that if he was born in the 70s, he was to young to be there. I was born in the 70s, and I am not about to grace the hospital as a patient. So anywhos- a few hours into my shift, while I was in his room, I glance at his age...36. Wow! He is so OLD...much older then I thought he was. This went through my head for about 30 seconds before I realized that 36 was just a measly 6 years older than I was. I have had friends marry guys that much older. I would marry a guy that much older. He was not that much older then me. And that is when I tucked my tail between my legs and shrunk off to lick my wounds. Because I am almost in my 30's...which is no big deal...until you think of being 36! And yet, even that doesn't sound as old as it used to.

Updates

2009-03-31T17:32:00.001-07:00

I still do not floss. I have quit wearing earrings. But one thing I have done almost every day is put on mascara! Very impressive if I may say so myself. So last week I decided to upgrade my attempts at looking my age by trying out eyeliner. This has been quite the learning experience as I have no idea what I am doing. Thank goodness my sister lives at home so that I can ask her daily about all the ends and outs of eyeliner application! I have also decided that since it takes so much dang effort to put the eyeliner on that there is no way I am covering up my beauty attempts with glasses. So another rather huge step for me is I do not wear my glasses anymore. I feel as if I have lost my best friend...or that my mother has taken away my binky...or something horrible like that. I am going through major glasses withdraw. But I am determined. I may end up being toothless, but dang it, I am going to have stellar lines around my eyes!

5K

2009-03-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

I am going to run a 5K...in May. May 2009. As in a month or so from now. I am going to actually get off my bum in one week. One week. So now you all know. And if come June 1, 2009 I have not run a 5k, you will all know it and I will have to be embarrassed. I am interested to see if this declaring to the world thing works. I have my doubts. I am not embarrassed easily....as you all know. And one month is not a very long time for training when one takes the elevator up two floors.
One of my friends wants us to participate in a mini triathlon in August. No worries on that pressure though as I just found an article about how 15% more people die in triathlons then marathons. Sound enough proof to me that I should stay indoors and watch Friends reruns...after I run my 5K...in May...2009. Not 2010. One month or so from now. Must start walking up stairs.

Eeewwww!

2009-03-11T15:54:00.001-07:00

Today was a busy day. I had class at 7am, after I had to run to the store to pick up some necessities for my upcoming vacation, like candy and magazines and summer clothes that will fit now, not in a month or two when summer is actually here. After that I rushed to start doing laundry/clean my room and clean my bathroom all before going to work. Ok, so in all reality, I am not that busy, but I am trying to set the scene here. Anywhos- I stop to eat lunch, which in the middle of that I had to take the dog out and so finally I sat down for lunch. This is when I notice a weird smell coming from me. I think, "Well, isn't that gross."
The stench kind of comes and goes. I sniff my sweatshirt, which I must admit was dirty but give me some slack, I was cleaning/laundry. Nope, my sweatshirt didn't stink. I keep on eating. Still, random stinkiness. I sniff my food. Nope, my excessively healthy and filling meal of Honeycomb cereal was not the culprit. Hmmm? I sniff my drink. Nope, not that either. So I keep eating, cuz remember, I am on a time crunch, I have to get to work. Still eating, still stinky. Next step is checking my breath...gross if that was the problem, but always a possibility. And no, stench not coming from my mouth. Resume eating. Hum de dum, where is that nasty smell coming from?? And right then, in the middle of my lunch, I realize where the smell is coming from. What was the stinkiness?? It was dog poop...ON MY HAND!!!!! WHAT???? Can you get hepatitis from consuming dog poop? I know you can from human poop, but since I usually don't consume either human or dog feces, I am at a loss! I ATE LUNCH WITH DOG CRAP ON MY HAND!!! So sick. I inspect dog...nope, she neither smells or has crap lingering on HER body. Lucky dog. Next I go to the dog leash. Oh wait, let me specify that the very first thing I did was bleach my hands...OBVIOUSLY. Lesson to be learned though, ALWAYS wash before you eat. Ok, so I go to the leash and there it was, right there on the clip that clips onto the dog collar is the poop. How did my dog get poop all the way up on her collar? Gross. I don't want to know. So that is my gross story. I must now go do some internet searching on hepatitis signs and symptoms. Sick.

PS- I still love dogs. Though if I get hepatitis, I may have to rethink my devotion.

March weather

2009-03-11T10:54:00.000-07:00

I just want all of you who do not live in Hell to know that it was -25 degrees windchill this morning. Yep, middle of March and it is drastically below zero. It makes me want to cry. This winter seems to be really dragging. On a plus note, I blame the nasty and horribly long winter on my winter weight gain. At least it is the weather's fault and not my lack of exercise and healthy eating. Stupid weather.

I LOVE DOGS

2009-03-10T15:29:00.001-07:00

My previous post, which I meant to be funny, has made one of my dear friends not want a dog anymore! WHAT!!!??? This is not acceptable because dogs are pretty much the best thing ever. So after some contemplating, I decided to repost my Izzy's evil plan, and post another blog about how much I LOVE DOGS. Seriously peoples, I will have dogs before I have children. If I had it my way, I would always have a dog. I shall list a few of the reasons that I love Izzy, despite her pooping problems. Please note how much I must love Izzy for me to still love her after picking up her poo in the in the living room over and over and over again.

Reasons why I love Izzy....

1) She is a great foot warmer. She keeps your feet warm by laying on them, sometime much to her disagreement, but this is what is so great about a small dog, I want her on my feet, I put her on my feet!

2) She is a great watchdog. I actually like having her sleep with me because I know no one is hiding under my bed or in my closet waiting to attack...she may not be able to attack back, but at least she would give me some advanced warning of my impending doom.

3) She looks really awesome after she hangs her head out the moving car window.

4) There is no one who looks better or more humiliated in Halloween costumes, Christmas costumes, Easter Costumes and really any day that we can come up with costumes.

5) She gets really excited when you come home. Sometimes she will even get up to greet you...sometimes...she is really lazy.

6) She thinks all of your cooking is great. And if she won't eat it, well, then you know you screwed up.

7) You dropped something on the ground? No problem, just call Izzy and she will eat it right up. No need for sweeping, mopping, vacuuming. She will eat anything.

8) She is cute, kinda so ugly she is cute category, but whatever, she is cute.

9) And last but not least, she is my friend. She sits there and pretends to listen to me when I am talking. If she was not there, I would be talking to walls and that, my friend, is weird.

Izzy's Evil Plan

2009-03-09T23:54:00.001-07:00

Has anyone seen the TV show, Dog Whisperer? I love that show and personally believe that Caesar is pretty much awesome. To be like Caesar...can you even imagine?? The man walks into a room full of bad bad dogs and he just reeks of control and EVERY single dog bows to his command. Incidentally, if you have ever seen Nanny 911 or one of those shows, the teachings are the same. Bad kids, bad dogs, same solution...pick a show, either one will solve all of your problems with your bad dogs or your bad children. Anyways...I digress.

One thing that Caesar and I disagree on is that dogs are not vindictive. Caesar says that dogs do not hold grudges, they do not plot evil plans to get back at you for making them crap outside. I, on the other hand, very firmly believe that dogs can be vindictive and spend their hours sitting in the kennels, carefully planning their next evil plan to make their owners suffer. Case in point...Izzy.

Izzy is my mother's 'Shit zu'. Emphasis on the first syllable. She is my mother's prized possession. If anything were to happen to one of her daughters on your watch, you could probably explain it to her and she would get over it. If anything were to happen to Izzy on your watch, well, you might as well start driving to Mexico because there is no forgiving the ultimate sin of messing with her dog. Izzy has always been a special dog, needing a little extra care and love, cuz she is a little slow. Unfortunately for us, I think she is faking it. I think she pretends to be a little slow, a little on the stupid side, in order to get away with more things...like crapping in the living room...and the closet...and each and everyone of our bedrooms. One may say that Izzy's lack of bowel control is our fault, we are negligent owners, who have not trained her properly or do now spend enough time with her. I know the dog's secret though. As she lays on her pillow on the couch and pretends to sleep for 23 hours a day, she is really contriving her plan, which she will put into action the minute she is left alone. Unfortunately for Izzy, she is never left alone due to the excessive crapping. Someone has to be with her at all times, but this morning...well, this morning was a bad morning.

This morning my parent's alarm clock celebrated it's 31st year by breaking down. Yes, you read correctly, my parents have had the same alarm clock all 31 years they have been married. And today, it finally passed onto it's alarm clock grave. Due to the passing of the clock, my parents both slept in, which also means that my little sister slept in. So my father was late for work. My sister was late for school. And my mother was running late, she had five women coming to our house to carpool to the cities. So I ended up giving my little sister a ride to school, my father took off for work and my mother frantically blew her hair dry and did her makeup. And this, my friends, is the moment when Izzy realized her opportunity. This was the moment she had been waiting for. Finally after months and months of waiting and plotting and planning, she finally had an opportunity to act on her evil plan.

And her evil plan started with a prompt and stinky crapping in the living room, approximately five minutes after she had been let outside to do her business. She chose the living room because the stench would be most noticed by all of the five ladies coming to our house that morning. She than promptly ran downstairs to eat all the food that was on the coffee table. All the candy that she had been eyeing, the bowls and cups that had been left there from last night. She jumped right up, licking everything to her hearts desire, knocking water bottles and juice cups to the ground, gleefully creating a mess. When I returned home less then 15 minutes later, she pranced right up the stairs and, I swear to you, sat down and grinned at me. I knew, I knew she had crapped in the living room. I knew she had destroyed the basement. And because she is slightly slow and special and my mother's dog, I had no choice other then to pick up the crap and the basement. So I cleaned it up and gave Izzy the evil eye. And I swear to you, she gave me the evil eye right back, with a slight grin on her face, thinking, "You think the living room was the only placed I crapped in today, but just you wait cuz when you are least expecting it, you will find the rest, the rest of the poop, and I promise you with all my little dog will, that you will find the poop only when you have no shoes and no socks on and that, my stupid little owner, is when you will find the crap I have hidden...(insert evil laugh)...WAHAHAHAHAH."

Slightly Masochistic

2009-02-18T19:09:00.000-08:00

Wal-mart home waxing kit- $15

Trying to wax yourself with Wal-mart kit- $100,000,000 worth of aggravation and pain. UGH!

Salon price to wax eyebrows, lip, and both legs- $80.

Starter kit for salon quality wax kit that will last for at least a year- $45.00

Satisfaction of getting it right at home- $PRICELESS!!!$

HALLELUJAH!!!! It was the best feeling EVER! One rip and it WORKED!!! I am on my way to becoming a wax addict! Rip, rip,rip!! YES!!!!!! I am not kidding, this is practically orgasmic! Though, I may accidentally be missing an eyebrow soon...

Trained Assassins

2009-02-15T20:36:00.000-08:00

One of my goals on my list of becoming a grownup is to become physically fit. This is VERY important to me...so important that I think about it at least once a day. The problem with all this thinking is that it tires me out. So much so that by the time I finish thinking about it, I need a nap.

There are many reasons why I want to be physically fit. My first reason is obvious. Every time I look at a 50-year-old who just got out of open heart surgery at work I think about how much I want to be physically fit. Sometimes when I am eating something especially bad for me, I can feel my arteries in my heart clogging. This is not a good feeling...especially if one does not want to be a 50-year-old open heart surgery patient...which I do not. I like my heart and I want it to be all sorts of clog free and healthy.

Another reason I want to be physically fit is because I have LOTS of really cute clothes. And due to an increase of fluffiness on my part, I can not wear these really cute clothes anymore. This puts me in an especially bad mood on Sundays because I want to wear all of my really cute clothes. The rest of the days of the week I can ignore this lack of cute clothes by wearing scrubs and pajamas. Unfortunately neither of these attires would go over well at church.

My third reason is because I want to be able to outrun any potential attackers. Currently a potential attacker would take me down. But if I was in superb physical shape, I would be able to outrun the bastard. My most wonderful friend Val, who is my physical fitness hero, would be able to outrun any potential bastard attackers. I would have collapsed into an out of breath, sweaty ball of fluff. I want to be more like Val.

Yet another reason is because I secretly want to be a trained assassin. But my undying love of cookies and pajama pants are hindering this goal. I have a major girl crush on the character from NCIS, Ziva. She is pretty much the coolest person EVER. She is a trained assassin and she kicks major butt on the show. I get all sorts of jealous when she takes down all these big bad potential attackers with her mad skills. I want to be just like her...a tough trained assassin and maybe if I worked really hard, I could get myself a cool accent also.

See, I have four solid, concrete reasons to become more physically fit but I have a problem with laziness. As in I am lazy, lazy, lazy. I would much prefer to watch NCIS and eat an entire box of oreos instead of running on the treadmill or doing Tae-bo. I need to conquer my overwhelming laziness. I need to work on my trained assassin moves. I need to get on the treadmill. I need to do Tae-Bo. I need to take my dog running. But first, I need to take a nap.

Tests and Papers and Naps

2009-01-28T12:40:00.000-08:00

I am writing this out of pure desperation. I have nothing to say or report on but I SHOULD be studying for my test or writing my paper, both of which are due tomorrow. So instead of doing either, I have spent the day diligently looking for other things to do and I have run out of ideas. I took a nap. I got the mail...I was secretly hoping a good magazine would come so I could read that. I have checked all my of e-mails multiple times, read all the news on CNN, FOX news, and BBC. I watched part of a movie...I certainly couldn't watch all of it, I have TONS of homework! I read some stranger's blogs. I am now writing on my own blog. I guess I could clean my room...hahaha!

Simple Pleasures

2009-01-21T09:11:00.000-08:00

1) You know that nasty snow/dirt/ice booger that accumulates behind the tires on your car? Specifically the front wheels? For the last month or more, my driver side front wheel has had a MAJOR cliff hanger hanging off of it. So much so that the wheel would scrape against it whenever I turned a corner. But no matter how much I kicked at it, full body assault on it, I would just hurt my foot or break my shoe...or even hurt my car. I even went at it with my window scraper but no luck. I tried going to a car wash and it didn't even touch it. FINALLY, today after so, so long, I went at it again and it fell off!!!! WOOHOO!!! It was so exhilarating!!

2) While I was going at my snow/dirt/ice booger on my car, I saw a elderly couple, 80s, walking through the parking lot holding hands. So sweet. Makes me smile.

3) I was in the parking lot paying a bill. I know this sounds dumb, but actually having the money to pay the bill makes my day. I think everyone is kind of tight right now and it totally made me happy to be able to pay my bill!!:)

4) Ok, this is a gross one. I went out and bought a new toilet brush, I think one of my sister's stole my old one for their bathroom. At least I hope that is what happened. The concept that I may have actually lost my toilet brush is to disturbing to contemplate. I am a HUGE fan of the disposable plastic Scrubbing Bubbles brushes, which was the kind my sister stole. So I got myself a new one and it came with two 'tough' brushes for tough jobs. What kind of toilet cleaning job actually requires a 'tough' brush, I do not want to know. But I thought I would try it out. Hooked that puppy up and went to town on my toilet. What fun!! It got underneath the lid part that you can't see, oh, it was great. As I was cleaning my toilet, I knew that I was actually enjoying myself, and I knew that was a sad fact. See, I told you, a gross simple pleasure. Though in my defense, I have never minded cleaning the toilet. The bathtub is a whole different story. Can't stand doing that...I hate it almost as much as I hate unloading the dishwasher. Now that is my least favorite job. I may have had to clean my toilet, but at least I didn't have to unload the dishwasher! Simple pleasures!!

The weather outside is frightful

2009-01-13T08:33:00.000-08:00

Is that how you spell frightful? Cuz it is nasty outside today. Actually it is very sunny, blinding all from the sun bouncing off the snow to the point that you can barely look out your window. And that is about how close you get to the outside, just the window, cuz it is so dang cold out. It is so cold out that you don't even get that close to your window because the cold is seeping into the house through the window panes emitting a frigid 6 inches of cold air in front of the windows. It is currently -36 degrees outside with wind chill. Don't you worry though, we sent all of our school age children to stand outside and wait for the school bus this morning...because it isn't THAT cold.

Kitchen sinks

2009-01-12T18:37:00.000-08:00

I have worn mascara and earrings every day except Friday. Which I found all sorts of ironic. The first day that I left my house to go somewhere other than work and I go out with no makeup and a hoodie sweatshirt, very much like how I dressed a week ago everywhere I went! But no more. Not only do I wear mascara and earrings, but I put my face on every day too. And when I am not at work I am sporting my hooker boots, which may not be the most reasonable 'middle of the Artic' foot attire but whatever, they look good. I also have been watching 'What Not to Wear' religiously in order to improve my wardrobe and, of course, for the wonderful makeup tips!

I just learned today that I will have to wear professional clothes to the hospital when I do my clinical workups. The obvious problem is that I have no professional clothing but this is now an excellent reason to buy just such things. The not so obvious problem is that I am a most terrible clothes shopper which my sister knows all to well. I hate clothes shopping and only last about one hour on a good day, before I start to whine and give up. Unfortunately for her, she is my personal shopper as none of my sisters have nominated me for 'What Not to Wear'. So I will be looking to my sister and her very fashionable style to help me find some professional school clothes that look all sorts of hot and wonderful and are in style!:) Which added to my mascara and makeup will turn me into a grownup before I know it.

Stupid punk

2009-01-12T18:12:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day of nursing school! So scary! I am very nervous but I do think my fear will encourage me to study harder, so it is all good. Also today I decided that I hate blow drying my hair. What a waste of time! I just have to redo the whole thing again tomorrow! But neither of these two things is the reason for my post.

Today we are having a blizzard. Shocker. I am sick sick sick of winter. Today as I was driving to school I pulled out in front of a SUV. I had stopped at a stop sign and went and just didn't see him. My bad. I knew it the minute I saw him. He still had plenty of time to slow down and probably didn't have to slow down at all but he did. I think the only reason he did slow down was so that the punk 40-year-old could shake his stupid finger at me. It was the pointer finger shake, the bad little kid finger shake. I would have much preferred the middle finger shake over the bad dog finger shake. I think what really got me was that it was some lameo man doing the shaking. Only one man can shake his finger at me and that is my father and I don't think he can even do that anymore as I am no longer 5. Though I do think that 80-year-old men can shake their finger at me. I figure they have lived long enough to think I am an idiot and if they think I am being an idiot, they are probably right. But 79 and younger do not have the infinite knowledge that age brings you once you turn 80. Until then you are just another finger shaking pig and a judgemental fool. If I do something that you find offensive throw that middle finger at me, glare all you want, honk your horn like normal people do, but DO NOT shake your finger at me. I am not your young child and I am not your dog. AAGGHH!! Stupid punk middle aged man.

SMA; Spinal Muscular Atrophy

2009-01-10T12:52:00.001-08:00

SMA is the number 1 genetic killer of children under 2.

One of my very dear friends lost her baby girl to this horrible, horrible disease. Please take the time to look at this link and sign the petition. It is for a VERY good cause. Thanks!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/182/petition-to-cure-SMA

What the good looking doctor can do for me

2009-01-05T11:26:00.000-08:00

I have worn mascara every day so far. In fact, I wore it a few days before my starting post so it has been a week. Mascara and earrings every day. Have not left my house without them both. And my theory kinda works. I got dressed every day in actual grownup clothes. One downfall to this actually dressing like a grownup thing is that I have to wake up extra early. I can shower, blow dry my hair and put makeup on in a little under an hour. This means I have to wake up at 5am. It has been amazingly easy to do, though this could be due to the fact that there is an incredibly good looking doctor on my floor right now. He seems to give me extra incentive to get out of bed in the morning so that I can put mousse in my hair! Which, by the way, actually works. For the first time in my entire life, I purchased shampoo and conditioner with a purpose, not just whatever was on sale. I have volumizing shampoo and conditioner now, along with mousse. The combo of those things, plus blow drying my hair has made my previously limp and aging head suddenly alive with volume and finesse! I guess Shayna, my friend and old hairdresser, was right all along! And it has only taken me 29 and 1/2 years to figure it out.

On the note of all these new bathroom activities that have now entered my life, I also have been making a valid effort to put away all of my hair stuff and makeup every morning before I leave, fulfilling another goal of trying to become more organized. I also put my eye glasses in the same spot every day and have not lost those in weeks, which is a drastic improvement from the losing them a few times a day. I also have organized my jewelry box and put my earrings away in the same spot every night. This all means that I have become successful at keeping track and organizing my jewelry, my makeup and my glasses. Baby steps, yes, but as any of my old roommies can attest, these are some huge baby steps. Maybe by the time I actually turn 30, I will be one of those anal retentive people that have to have all of their belongings in a vertical position with exactly one-half inch of space separating them. Good goal. Good goal.

Kitchen Sink Theory

2008-12-27T08:34:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard of the kitchen sink theory? It goes something along the lines that if you can just keep your kitchen sink clean, the rest of your kitchen will follow cuz with a clean sink you just want to keep your whole kitchen clean. And if your kitchen is clean, you will want to keep your whole house clean. See how this is supposed to go? Well, I am going to apply this theory into my goal of learning to dress like a grownup. I figure if I NEVER leave my house without mascara on, then I will feel more inclined to dress nicely and if I am dressed nicely, then I will be more inclined to do my hair and wear earrings and nice shoes. See how this should work? I currently boast of an amazing wardrobe of hoodie sweatshirts and jeans and the jeans are usually pajama pants. So starting now I will not leave the house without mascara on. Starting now....

Hiatus in Hell

2008-12-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

I have taken a very long blogging hiatus. My sister informed me the other day that it has been OVER a month since I have written anything and her tone of this fact made it seem like I had done a most terrible thing. So today, I write...finally. I have thought of many things to blame my long blogging vacation on...perhaps the temperature...is that a good excuse? I live in a place that I affectionately refer to as Hell. The past two weeks the temperature with windchill has been sitting around -30. Some days, it was -40 and some days we were lucky and it was -20. See...Hell. But this is not a good excuse for my absence, as the extreme cold weather just encourages me to stay indoors leaving me with plenty of time to blog. So I have no excuse, other then pure laziness, which brings me to the topic of my blog...which is my attempts to become a grownup. And nothing on my grownup list can be accomplished with laziness. Poo.

NieNie

2008-11-15T12:45:00.000-08:00

Note the nienie icon on my page. Pretty much the most amazing blog. She is a complete inspiration to me on every level of my life.

10:00...AT NIGHT????

2008-11-07T11:44:00.000-08:00

Tonight I am going out. And yes, at 10:00PM. Craziness!! This is past my bedtime and really against everything I believe in. But I am out to support a friend, so 10PM it is. I have been caffeinating myself all day in preparation.

Oh, and I have nothing to wear. But my lack of grownup clothes is another blog in itself. I will report tomorrow on what I found to wear, which can not include a hoodie sweatshirt, pjs or scrubs, and exactly how long I managed to stay awake.

You know you are a redneck if....

2008-11-07T01:35:00.000-08:00

My family and I went out to dinner to celebrate me FINALLY getting into nursing school. This is a huge step for me towards becoming a grownup. My family all agreeing on a place to eat is also a HUGE step. After an hour of my family all trying to make a group decision, we decided on a Chinese buffet. Though by the time we drove there, I had changed my mind cuz there was not enough Chinese food there. (What is it with all the Chinese buffets serving macaroni and cheese??) At that point, my family decides on a BBQ place, which we drove to and promptly changed our minds again because come to find out, one of my sisters doesn't like any place that only serves meat. (kind of the point of BBQ, I know) SOOOO after two hours of indecisiveness, my family, in all of it's glory, ate at Old Country Buffet, more commonly known to my family as the 'Hog Trough'. So to celebrate perhaps the most exciting thing to ever happen in my life, we ate at an all you-can-eat buffet called the Hog Trough. This, my friends, is a classic redneck action. You know you are a Redneck if....

Professional Bunny Bather

2008-10-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my day off. My list of things to do on my day off...

1) Run

2) Floss

3) Clean my room

4) Do homework

What did I do yesterday? None of the above. Instead, I gave a bunny a bath. Rereading this statement makes it almost sound cute and fun. It was not. The reasoning behind the bunny bath was that for some unknown reason the bunny had poo stuck all over it's bum. My mother told me that in order to get it off, I had to give the bunny a bath in just a few inches of warm water and the poo will soak off. Gross.

First, I have to catch the bunny. Perhaps this would be a good time to mention that I didn't just grab a random bunny from the street but that my little sister owns said bunny and I had let it out of it's cage to have reign over the living room while my mother's dog was outside. So, of course, I don't notice the poo encased bunny bum until the bunny was free in the house. Ten minutes later, the stinky bunny was put into the tub which she did not think was such a great idea. As the bunny sat in the water, the poo indeed started to soak off, causing the bath water to be filled with poo! Super gross. So now the bunny had not only chunks of poo stuck to her bum, but she was now bathing in her own poo water. And the smell was overwhelmingly horrible. By this point I am yelling for my mother like a 5-year-old cuz I am not a professional bunny bather and I have no idea what I am doing. My mother came to the rescue, drained the poo water, filled it back up and finished the job.

Speaking of me not knowing what I am doing, while I was trying to scrub the bunny's bum and free it of the excessive poo, I think to myself...first, why is the bunny poo sticking to it's bum? And how to prevent it from happening again before I become a professional bunny bather from having to depoo it so much. Plus, what is a bunny bum supposed to look like? The bunny's bum appeared kind of red to me, but as someone who has never inspected a bunny's bum before, how am I to know? Perhaps all bunny's bums look like that? I certainly can't google 'bunny privates' to find out if my bunny has an inflamed rear end! So I am at a loss. Bunny is clean and currently has no poo on it's bum, but I am afraid this is just going happen again and I will have to give the bunny a bath again. And as I said, I do not want to become good at giving bunny baths.

Oh, and before anyone suggests the obvious two solutions, I will provide the obvious answers. Yes, I have already taken my problem to the bunny books, which are useless. They say bunnies clean themselves. This bunny obviously does not. And for the second obvious question, why my sister is not in charge of bathing said bunny? Cuz if you think this is a good solution, you have never asked a preteen to do anything. I would get better results asking my mother's dumb dog to do it.

To be like Scarlett O'Hara

2008-10-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

Tact. I have none. Seriously, none. What I think is what you get, be it rude or nice, there are no pretenses. This is not good. One needs to practise at least some level of tactfulness in order to succeed in this world. Rolling my eyes and and shaking my head at everyone who I think is being dumb does not get me very far with my boss, my parents, my coworkers...see how this could become a problem???

Lately I have taken to calling men pigs. To their faces. They are being pigs, but does that mean I have to tell them they are being pigs? No...but I do. Scarlett O'Hara would not have called them pigs, she may have thought it, but never would have said it. She has become my tact level role model. The character certainly doesn't think tactfully, but she has this amazing ability to bat her eyelashes and say just the right thing and get what she wants. This is the goal, to get everything I want. I will never be the type of person who thinks tactfully, but I hope to be the person who can at least speak tactfully. Fake it until you make it.

So the next time a guy is acting like a pig, instead of rolling my eyes and informing them just how big of a pig I think they are being, I instead will smile and giggle, and say, " Oh, you are just so funny". Oh, and bat my eyelashes, I can't forget to bat my eyelashes, I am thinking this is an important step. Though, I will probably end up looking like a fool with something in my eye.

Things they don't tell you as a teenager....

2008-10-24T10:42:00.001-07:00

Why does no one tell you while you are a teenager that when you grow up you will...

1) Still have acne....yep, adults get zits too...in fact, sometimes it gets worse as you get older.

2) You will gain weight. No matter how hard you try, something will happen and you will never fit into your junior year prom dress again.

3) Roller coaster rides and other amusement park spinning devices will make you sick. You will say to yourself that you will NEVER become old like your parents who don't like the fair rides, until one day, you go on a spinning ride where you spend the next 60 seconds of your life praying that you do not spew your guts out all over the other riders. You get off the ride, promise yourself that you will never endure such a torture device again and get kinda depressed that you have turned into your mother.

4) You can not longer eat Taco Bell for every meal. In fact, you can no longer eat Taco Bell after 9PM.

5) You will get heartburn. Stupid Taco Bell.

6)You may tell yourself as a teenager that once you graduate from high school, you will never again wake up at the unholy hour of 6am. Come to find out, you will spend the rest of your life waking up at least that early to go to work...or even earlier if you have children.

7) 10PM is late. Past my bedtime, leave me alone, there is really not much worth staying out later then 10PM and certainly nothing worth leaving your house after 10PM for.

8) As a teenager, you live in this imaginary world that college is going to be the time of your life and that after college, your social life only gets better. Truth be told, your social calender becomes remarkably empty, reduced to the dreaded old person lunch date. Every night will not be a night on the town with friends, cuz face it people, you get to tired after working 10 hours every day.

9) You will have a job that you work 10 hours a day or more. You will work 40 hours a week for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

10) You will like Bed, Bath and Beyond better then Old Navy. In fact, Ikea will become like Heaven itself.

Throwing everything I own away....

2008-10-20T14:23:00.000-07:00

Last night, in a drug induced fit of energy, I started cleaning my room. And when I say cleaning, I mean throwing everything I own away. I have an insane amount of scrapbooking materials that I never use but I have the hardest time throwing away. I just KNOW that the minute I throw it away, I will suddenly become a creative scrapbooking genius. I have two weeks to come to terms with my lack of scrapbooking skills because on November 8th, Saturday at 6PM Central Standard time, I have an appointment with a chronic organizer and her only job is to throw everything I own away.

Update to Grownup Conditions List

2008-10-19T12:40:00.001-07:00

12) Be more tactful.

Also, today is my scheduled day two of my 13 week running program directed towards making me more physically fit and checking off one of the items on my list. Instead, I am going to take a nap.

Becoming more physically fit

2008-10-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

Two years ago, I bought a book that claimed to be able to teach me how to become a runner. It provided a 13 week running program to follow. Two years ago, I followed that 13 week program, hated every minute of it, but lost 20 pounds. Since then, I quit running, have gained those 20 pounds back and an extra 10 just for fun.

Yesterday, I succumbed to the pressure, dusted off my 'How to run' book and got back on the treadmill. So to sum up, in 13 weeks, I will have magically become a runner, lost at least 20 pounds, regardless of the mass amount of Oreos I consume, and will have gained the ability to live to be a 100 years old, or so the MSN article I read yesterday tells me. So here is to me becoming one of those skinny crazy lunatics who are outside running at unheard of hours in the morning, in the freezing cold.

Nursing School

2008-10-16T15:30:00.000-07:00

I GOT IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to become a grownup

2008-10-16T15:04:00.000-07:00

My sister has taken to telling me lately about how I am going to fall apart when I turn 30. For instance, she tells me that when I turn 30, my teeth will fall out...ok, perhaps not in those exact words, but that is the picture that came to my head. I obviously know that I will turn 30 and all will be fine. But as she tells me what is going to happen on my birthday, I realize I need to finally accept the inevitable and try and become a grownup. Things on my list to do to become a grownup...

1) Floss my teeth. I NEED my teeth. They CANNOT fall out.
2) Graduate from college...which means, getting into nursing school.
3) Become more physically fit.
4) Learn how to be financially responsible.
5) Become organized.
6) Be on time.
7) Learn to play the piano.
8) Pray more.
9) Clean my room.
10) Start dressing like a grownup.
11) Stop putting my feet up on the seat in front of me at the movie theatre.