Friday, May 29, 2009

Cakes and Crumbs

In five hours I have to get up and frost and decorate a three layer birthday cake. I NEED to go to bed. But, of course, I can not. I need to be well rested tomorrow so that in case of cake disaster, I will not have a nervous breakdown. My friend is turning 30 and she wanted a giganto cake for her birthday cake. Imagine wedding cake. Hopefully I will develop mad cake decorating skills while I am sleeping tonight! My only other cake like this was for another friend's birthday. It was a Halloween cake and it had a butcher knife on top with blood oozing down the sides. Super cool, if I may say so myself. (as I am the coolest). But tomorrow's cake is a little more worrisome. Not the decorating part. I figure worst comes to worst, my friend will have a bleeding Halloween cake in May. Worse things have happened.
The thing I fear the most is that all the old ladies are right! I do not like being put in place by older ladies who know better then I do. I am determined to be right, dang it. Though, I have a sneaking suspicion that they are the right ones. Poop. Especially since they will be right about a very large cake. You see, I want to put all the layers together in my own kitchen, decorate it and be done. All the experienced ladies tell me that I should put it together there. Well, I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT THAT WAY. Why must people constantly disagree with me? Has not everyone figured out yet that I AM ALWAYS RIGHT....or so this birthday cake depends? Tomorrow morning I will put together and decorate my cake. I will then drive it two hours (did I forget to mention the two hours part ) and deliver it to the birthday party. If said cake arrives in one wonderful piece...I was right (as I always am). If said cake arrives in pile of crumbs...well, that is why we have forks. Wish me luck.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

40 things to do before I turn 40

My sister and her friends are about to turn 25. Listening to them, you would think this is a major crisis. I, who am about to turn 30, have very little sympathy. They have started making lists of 30 things they want to have accomplished by the time they are 30. Since I love making lists of things I will never accomplish, I have felt a great desire to also make a list of things I want to accomplish before I turn 30. But alas, I turn 30 in two short months. Not much fun to be had in such a short time. My solution? 40 things to do before I turn 40. My problem? The list of things you do before you turn 40 are much less fun and exciting. For example...
1) Have a substantial start to retirement savings
2) Finish family
3) Have a substantial start to children's college fund
4) Have found a very good therapist for self and marriage
5) Daily wrinkle reducing cream
6) Not have cancer
7) No car payments
8) Still be married
9) Have daily commute of less than one hour
10) Still be able to convincingly deny any gray hair
11) Still be able to convincingly deny that husband has obscene hair growth on his back
12) Have a healthy and regular sex life
13) Have a healthy and regular digestive system.

See what I mean. Not much fun. Ok, 12 sounds fun. Anywhos. So I focus on my two short months before I turn 30. Two more months before I REALLY have to start worrying about retirement.
1) Finish rereading the Harry Potter series in order to be sufficiently prepared for the 6th movie.
2) Be able to stay awake for entire midnight showing of 6th Harry Potter movie.
3) Teach new dog how to sit, stay and come. And how to freaking chase a ball.
4) Lose 10 lbs by training for a 5K.
5) Sleep in...a lot.

And that, my friends, is all I want to do in the next two months. It sounds blissful! I can't wait!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

You looked tired.

You look tired. Why do people tell you this? All they are really saying is that you look like crap. It is the socially accepted insult. What are you supposed to say back? Yes, I am tired and thank you for mentioning that I look like crap. It is almost as bad as being asked when are you due? Nope, not having a baby, just fat. Seriously people.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Long time....

It has been a long time. What has happened lately? Ummm...I bought more eye makeup. I am now the proud wearer of mascara, eyeliner, and three colors of eye shadow. I am getting pretty good at putting it on, if I may say so. But you must all promise that if I look like a fool any given day, you must tell me. You all know what I mean. We have all seen ladies whose makeup looks awful. I even knew someone whose makeup looked awful on their wedding day. How horrible. So I depend on you to tell me if my makeup application or color looks awful. I don't want to be one of those girls who have terrible makeup. What else...I finished my first semester of nursing school with a B!! WOOHOOO!!!!! We adopted a new dog. She is a German Shepard mix and she is amazing. She can go running with me if I ever decide to go running. Which brings up the fact that I skipped the 5K in which I had already paid $20 for. Pitiful. Though one of my crazy running friends said she would write me up a schedule to get ready for a half marathon in October. Hopefully. I am crossing my fingers.