Saturday, December 27, 2008

Kitchen Sink Theory

Have you ever heard of the kitchen sink theory? It goes something along the lines that if you can just keep your kitchen sink clean, the rest of your kitchen will follow cuz with a clean sink you just want to keep your whole kitchen clean. And if your kitchen is clean, you will want to keep your whole house clean. See how this is supposed to go? Well, I am going to apply this theory into my goal of learning to dress like a grownup. I figure if I NEVER leave my house without mascara on, then I will feel more inclined to dress nicely and if I am dressed nicely, then I will be more inclined to do my hair and wear earrings and nice shoes. See how this should work? I currently boast of an amazing wardrobe of hoodie sweatshirts and jeans and the jeans are usually pajama pants. So starting now I will not leave the house without mascara on. Starting now....

Hiatus in Hell

I have taken a very long blogging hiatus. My sister informed me the other day that it has been OVER a month since I have written anything and her tone of this fact made it seem like I had done a most terrible thing. So today, I write...finally. I have thought of many things to blame my long blogging vacation on...perhaps the that a good excuse? I live in a place that I affectionately refer to as Hell. The past two weeks the temperature with windchill has been sitting around -30. Some days, it was -40 and some days we were lucky and it was -20. See...Hell. But this is not a good excuse for my absence, as the extreme cold weather just encourages me to stay indoors leaving me with plenty of time to blog. So I have no excuse, other then pure laziness, which brings me to the topic of my blog...which is my attempts to become a grownup. And nothing on my grownup list can be accomplished with laziness. Poo.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


Note the nienie icon on my page. Pretty much the most amazing blog. She is a complete inspiration to me on every level of my life.

Friday, November 7, 2008

10:00...AT NIGHT????

Tonight I am going out. And yes, at 10:00PM. Craziness!! This is past my bedtime and really against everything I believe in. But I am out to support a friend, so 10PM it is. I have been caffeinating myself all day in preparation.

Oh, and I have nothing to wear. But my lack of grownup clothes is another blog in itself. I will report tomorrow on what I found to wear, which can not include a hoodie sweatshirt, pjs or scrubs, and exactly how long I managed to stay awake.

You know you are a redneck if....

My family and I went out to dinner to celebrate me FINALLY getting into nursing school. This is a huge step for me towards becoming a grownup. My family all agreeing on a place to eat is also a HUGE step. After an hour of my family all trying to make a group decision, we decided on a Chinese buffet. Though by the time we drove there, I had changed my mind cuz there was not enough Chinese food there. (What is it with all the Chinese buffets serving macaroni and cheese??) At that point, my family decides on a BBQ place, which we drove to and promptly changed our minds again because come to find out, one of my sisters doesn't like any place that only serves meat. (kind of the point of BBQ, I know) SOOOO after two hours of indecisiveness, my family, in all of it's glory, ate at Old Country Buffet, more commonly known to my family as the 'Hog Trough'. So to celebrate perhaps the most exciting thing to ever happen in my life, we ate at an all you-can-eat buffet called the Hog Trough. This, my friends, is a classic redneck action. You know you are a Redneck if....

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Professional Bunny Bather

Yesterday was my day off. My list of things to do on my day off...

1) Run

2) Floss

3) Clean my room

4) Do homework

What did I do yesterday? None of the above. Instead, I gave a bunny a bath. Rereading this statement makes it almost sound cute and fun. It was not. The reasoning behind the bunny bath was that for some unknown reason the bunny had poo stuck all over it's bum. My mother told me that in order to get it off, I had to give the bunny a bath in just a few inches of warm water and the poo will soak off. Gross.

First, I have to catch the bunny. Perhaps this would be a good time to mention that I didn't just grab a random bunny from the street but that my little sister owns said bunny and I had let it out of it's cage to have reign over the living room while my mother's dog was outside. So, of course, I don't notice the poo encased bunny bum until the bunny was free in the house. Ten minutes later, the stinky bunny was put into the tub which she did not think was such a great idea. As the bunny sat in the water, the poo indeed started to soak off, causing the bath water to be filled with poo! Super gross. So now the bunny had not only chunks of poo stuck to her bum, but she was now bathing in her own poo water. And the smell was overwhelmingly horrible. By this point I am yelling for my mother like a 5-year-old cuz I am not a professional bunny bather and I have no idea what I am doing. My mother came to the rescue, drained the poo water, filled it back up and finished the job.

Speaking of me not knowing what I am doing, while I was trying to scrub the bunny's bum and free it of the excessive poo, I think to myself...first, why is the bunny poo sticking to it's bum? And how to prevent it from happening again before I become a professional bunny bather from having to depoo it so much. Plus, what is a bunny bum supposed to look like? The bunny's bum appeared kind of red to me, but as someone who has never inspected a bunny's bum before, how am I to know? Perhaps all bunny's bums look like that? I certainly can't google 'bunny privates' to find out if my bunny has an inflamed rear end! So I am at a loss. Bunny is clean and currently has no poo on it's bum, but I am afraid this is just going happen again and I will have to give the bunny a bath again. And as I said, I do not want to become good at giving bunny baths.

Oh, and before anyone suggests the obvious two solutions, I will provide the obvious answers. Yes, I have already taken my problem to the bunny books, which are useless. They say bunnies clean themselves. This bunny obviously does not. And for the second obvious question, why my sister is not in charge of bathing said bunny? Cuz if you think this is a good solution, you have never asked a preteen to do anything. I would get better results asking my mother's dumb dog to do it.

Monday, October 27, 2008

To be like Scarlett O'Hara

Tact. I have none. Seriously, none. What I think is what you get, be it rude or nice, there are no pretenses. This is not good. One needs to practise at least some level of tactfulness in order to succeed in this world. Rolling my eyes and and shaking my head at everyone who I think is being dumb does not get me very far with my boss, my parents, my coworkers...see how this could become a problem???

Lately I have taken to calling men pigs. To their faces. They are being pigs, but does that mean I have to tell them they are being pigs? No...but I do. Scarlett O'Hara would not have called them pigs, she may have thought it, but never would have said it. She has become my tact level role model. The character certainly doesn't think tactfully, but she has this amazing ability to bat her eyelashes and say just the right thing and get what she wants. This is the goal, to get everything I want. I will never be the type of person who thinks tactfully, but I hope to be the person who can at least speak tactfully. Fake it until you make it.

So the next time a guy is acting like a pig, instead of rolling my eyes and informing them just how big of a pig I think they are being, I instead will smile and giggle, and say, " Oh, you are just so funny". Oh, and bat my eyelashes, I can't forget to bat my eyelashes, I am thinking this is an important step. Though, I will probably end up looking like a fool with something in my eye.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Things they don't tell you as a teenager....

Why does no one tell you while you are a teenager that when you grow up you will...

1) Still have acne....yep, adults get zits fact, sometimes it gets worse as you get older.

2) You will gain weight. No matter how hard you try, something will happen and you will never fit into your junior year prom dress again.

3) Roller coaster rides and other amusement park spinning devices will make you sick. You will say to yourself that you will NEVER become old like your parents who don't like the fair rides, until one day, you go on a spinning ride where you spend the next 60 seconds of your life praying that you do not spew your guts out all over the other riders. You get off the ride, promise yourself that you will never endure such a torture device again and get kinda depressed that you have turned into your mother.

4) You can not longer eat Taco Bell for every meal. In fact, you can no longer eat Taco Bell after 9PM.

5) You will get heartburn. Stupid Taco Bell.

6)You may tell yourself as a teenager that once you graduate from high school, you will never again wake up at the unholy hour of 6am. Come to find out, you will spend the rest of your life waking up at least that early to go to work...or even earlier if you have children.

7) 10PM is late. Past my bedtime, leave me alone, there is really not much worth staying out later then 10PM and certainly nothing worth leaving your house after 10PM for.

8) As a teenager, you live in this imaginary world that college is going to be the time of your life and that after college, your social life only gets better. Truth be told, your social calender becomes remarkably empty, reduced to the dreaded old person lunch date. Every night will not be a night on the town with friends, cuz face it people, you get to tired after working 10 hours every day.

9) You will have a job that you work 10 hours a day or more. You will work 40 hours a week for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

10) You will like Bed, Bath and Beyond better then Old Navy. In fact, Ikea will become like Heaven itself.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Throwing everything I own away....

Last night, in a drug induced fit of energy, I started cleaning my room. And when I say cleaning, I mean throwing everything I own away. I have an insane amount of scrapbooking materials that I never use but I have the hardest time throwing away. I just KNOW that the minute I throw it away, I will suddenly become a creative scrapbooking genius. I have two weeks to come to terms with my lack of scrapbooking skills because on November 8th, Saturday at 6PM Central Standard time, I have an appointment with a chronic organizer and her only job is to throw everything I own away.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Update to Grownup Conditions List

12) Be more tactful.

Also, today is my scheduled day two of my 13 week running program directed towards making me more physically fit and checking off one of the items on my list. Instead, I am going to take a nap.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Becoming more physically fit

Two years ago, I bought a book that claimed to be able to teach me how to become a runner. It provided a 13 week running program to follow. Two years ago, I followed that 13 week program, hated every minute of it, but lost 20 pounds. Since then, I quit running, have gained those 20 pounds back and an extra 10 just for fun.

Yesterday, I succumbed to the pressure, dusted off my 'How to run' book and got back on the treadmill. So to sum up, in 13 weeks, I will have magically become a runner, lost at least 20 pounds, regardless of the mass amount of Oreos I consume, and will have gained the ability to live to be a 100 years old, or so the MSN article I read yesterday tells me. So here is to me becoming one of those skinny crazy lunatics who are outside running at unheard of hours in the morning, in the freezing cold.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Nursing School

I GOT IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to become a grownup

My sister has taken to telling me lately about how I am going to fall apart when I turn 30. For instance, she tells me that when I turn 30, my teeth will fall out...ok, perhaps not in those exact words, but that is the picture that came to my head. I obviously know that I will turn 30 and all will be fine. But as she tells me what is going to happen on my birthday, I realize I need to finally accept the inevitable and try and become a grownup. Things on my list to do to become a grownup...

1) Floss my teeth. I NEED my teeth. They CANNOT fall out.
2) Graduate from college...which means, getting into nursing school.
3) Become more physically fit.
4) Learn how to be financially responsible.
5) Become organized.
6) Be on time.
7) Learn to play the piano.
8) Pray more.
9) Clean my room.
10) Start dressing like a grownup.
11) Stop putting my feet up on the seat in front of me at the movie theatre.