Tuesday, March 31, 2009


I still do not floss. I have quit wearing earrings. But one thing I have done almost every day is put on mascara! Very impressive if I may say so myself. So last week I decided to upgrade my attempts at looking my age by trying out eyeliner. This has been quite the learning experience as I have no idea what I am doing. Thank goodness my sister lives at home so that I can ask her daily about all the ends and outs of eyeliner application! I have also decided that since it takes so much dang effort to put the eyeliner on that there is no way I am covering up my beauty attempts with glasses. So another rather huge step for me is I do not wear my glasses anymore. I feel as if I have lost my best friend...or that my mother has taken away my binky...or something horrible like that. I am going through major glasses withdraw. But I am determined. I may end up being toothless, but dang it, I am going to have stellar lines around my eyes!

Monday, March 30, 2009


I am going to run a 5K...in May. May 2009. As in a month or so from now. I am going to actually get off my bum in one week. One week. So now you all know. And if come June 1, 2009 I have not run a 5k, you will all know it and I will have to be embarrassed. I am interested to see if this declaring to the world thing works. I have my doubts. I am not embarrassed easily....as you all know. And one month is not a very long time for training when one takes the elevator up two floors.
One of my friends wants us to participate in a mini triathlon in August. No worries on that pressure though as I just found an article about how 15% more people die in triathlons then marathons. Sound enough proof to me that I should stay indoors and watch Friends reruns...after I run my 5K...in May...2009. Not 2010. One month or so from now. Must start walking up stairs.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Today was a busy day. I had class at 7am, after I had to run to the store to pick up some necessities for my upcoming vacation, like candy and magazines and summer clothes that will fit now, not in a month or two when summer is actually here. After that I rushed to start doing laundry/clean my room and clean my bathroom all before going to work. Ok, so in all reality, I am not that busy, but I am trying to set the scene here. Anywhos- I stop to eat lunch, which in the middle of that I had to take the dog out and so finally I sat down for lunch. This is when I notice a weird smell coming from me. I think, "Well, isn't that gross."
The stench kind of comes and goes. I sniff my sweatshirt, which I must admit was dirty but give me some slack, I was cleaning/laundry. Nope, my sweatshirt didn't stink. I keep on eating. Still, random stinkiness. I sniff my food. Nope, my excessively healthy and filling meal of Honeycomb cereal was not the culprit. Hmmm? I sniff my drink. Nope, not that either. So I keep eating, cuz remember, I am on a time crunch, I have to get to work. Still eating, still stinky. Next step is checking my breath...gross if that was the problem, but always a possibility. And no, stench not coming from my mouth. Resume eating. Hum de dum, where is that nasty smell coming from?? And right then, in the middle of my lunch, I realize where the smell is coming from. What was the stinkiness?? It was dog poop...ON MY HAND!!!!! WHAT???? Can you get hepatitis from consuming dog poop? I know you can from human poop, but since I usually don't consume either human or dog feces, I am at a loss! I ATE LUNCH WITH DOG CRAP ON MY HAND!!! So sick. I inspect dog...nope, she neither smells or has crap lingering on HER body. Lucky dog. Next I go to the dog leash. Oh wait, let me specify that the very first thing I did was bleach my hands...OBVIOUSLY. Lesson to be learned though, ALWAYS wash before you eat. Ok, so I go to the leash and there it was, right there on the clip that clips onto the dog collar is the poop. How did my dog get poop all the way up on her collar? Gross. I don't want to know. So that is my gross story. I must now go do some internet searching on hepatitis signs and symptoms. Sick.

PS- I still love dogs. Though if I get hepatitis, I may have to rethink my devotion.

March weather

I just want all of you who do not live in Hell to know that it was -25 degrees windchill this morning. Yep, middle of March and it is drastically below zero. It makes me want to cry. This winter seems to be really dragging. On a plus note, I blame the nasty and horribly long winter on my winter weight gain. At least it is the weather's fault and not my lack of exercise and healthy eating. Stupid weather.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


My previous post, which I meant to be funny, has made one of my dear friends not want a dog anymore! WHAT!!!??? This is not acceptable because dogs are pretty much the best thing ever. So after some contemplating, I decided to repost my Izzy's evil plan, and post another blog about how much I LOVE DOGS. Seriously peoples, I will have dogs before I have children. If I had it my way, I would always have a dog. I shall list a few of the reasons that I love Izzy, despite her pooping problems. Please note how much I must love Izzy for me to still love her after picking up her poo in the in the living room over and over and over again.

Reasons why I love Izzy....

1) She is a great foot warmer. She keeps your feet warm by laying on them, sometime much to her disagreement, but this is what is so great about a small dog, I want her on my feet, I put her on my feet!

2) She is a great watchdog. I actually like having her sleep with me because I know no one is hiding under my bed or in my closet waiting to attack...she may not be able to attack back, but at least she would give me some advanced warning of my impending doom.

3) She looks really awesome after she hangs her head out the moving car window.

4) There is no one who looks better or more humiliated in Halloween costumes, Christmas costumes, Easter Costumes and really any day that we can come up with costumes.

5) She gets really excited when you come home. Sometimes she will even get up to greet you...sometimes...she is really lazy.

6) She thinks all of your cooking is great. And if she won't eat it, well, then you know you screwed up.

7) You dropped something on the ground? No problem, just call Izzy and she will eat it right up. No need for sweeping, mopping, vacuuming. She will eat anything.

8) She is cute, kinda so ugly she is cute category, but whatever, she is cute.

9) And last but not least, she is my friend. She sits there and pretends to listen to me when I am talking. If she was not there, I would be talking to walls and that, my friend, is weird.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Izzy's Evil Plan

Has anyone seen the TV show, Dog Whisperer? I love that show and personally believe that Caesar is pretty much awesome. To be like Caesar...can you even imagine?? The man walks into a room full of bad bad dogs and he just reeks of control and EVERY single dog bows to his command. Incidentally, if you have ever seen Nanny 911 or one of those shows, the teachings are the same. Bad kids, bad dogs, same solution...pick a show, either one will solve all of your problems with your bad dogs or your bad children. Anyways...I digress.

One thing that Caesar and I disagree on is that dogs are not vindictive. Caesar says that dogs do not hold grudges, they do not plot evil plans to get back at you for making them crap outside. I, on the other hand, very firmly believe that dogs can be vindictive and spend their hours sitting in the kennels, carefully planning their next evil plan to make their owners suffer. Case in point...Izzy.

Izzy is my mother's 'Shit zu'. Emphasis on the first syllable. She is my mother's prized possession. If anything were to happen to one of her daughters on your watch, you could probably explain it to her and she would get over it. If anything were to happen to Izzy on your watch, well, you might as well start driving to Mexico because there is no forgiving the ultimate sin of messing with her dog. Izzy has always been a special dog, needing a little extra care and love, cuz she is a little slow. Unfortunately for us, I think she is faking it. I think she pretends to be a little slow, a little on the stupid side, in order to get away with more things...like crapping in the living room...and the closet...and each and everyone of our bedrooms. One may say that Izzy's lack of bowel control is our fault, we are negligent owners, who have not trained her properly or do now spend enough time with her. I know the dog's secret though. As she lays on her pillow on the couch and pretends to sleep for 23 hours a day, she is really contriving her plan, which she will put into action the minute she is left alone. Unfortunately for Izzy, she is never left alone due to the excessive crapping. Someone has to be with her at all times, but this morning...well, this morning was a bad morning.

This morning my parent's alarm clock celebrated it's 31st year by breaking down. Yes, you read correctly, my parents have had the same alarm clock all 31 years they have been married. And today, it finally passed onto it's alarm clock grave. Due to the passing of the clock, my parents both slept in, which also means that my little sister slept in. So my father was late for work. My sister was late for school. And my mother was running late, she had five women coming to our house to carpool to the cities. So I ended up giving my little sister a ride to school, my father took off for work and my mother frantically blew her hair dry and did her makeup. And this, my friends, is the moment when Izzy realized her opportunity. This was the moment she had been waiting for. Finally after months and months of waiting and plotting and planning, she finally had an opportunity to act on her evil plan.

And her evil plan started with a prompt and stinky crapping in the living room, approximately five minutes after she had been let outside to do her business. She chose the living room because the stench would be most noticed by all of the five ladies coming to our house that morning. She than promptly ran downstairs to eat all the food that was on the coffee table. All the candy that she had been eyeing, the bowls and cups that had been left there from last night. She jumped right up, licking everything to her hearts desire, knocking water bottles and juice cups to the ground, gleefully creating a mess. When I returned home less then 15 minutes later, she pranced right up the stairs and, I swear to you, sat down and grinned at me. I knew, I knew she had crapped in the living room. I knew she had destroyed the basement. And because she is slightly slow and special and my mother's dog, I had no choice other then to pick up the crap and the basement. So I cleaned it up and gave Izzy the evil eye. And I swear to you, she gave me the evil eye right back, with a slight grin on her face, thinking, "You think the living room was the only placed I crapped in today, but just you wait cuz when you are least expecting it, you will find the rest, the rest of the poop, and I promise you with all my little dog will, that you will find the poop only when you have no shoes and no socks on and that, my stupid little owner, is when you will find the crap I have hidden...(insert evil laugh)...WAHAHAHAHAH."