Saturday, December 26, 2009

Stark naked travels

This is an emergency.

I must lose weight. Immediately. I am going to start a 'get naked' plan.

One of my friends lost bunches of weight doing her 'get naked' plan before she got married. No one get up in a huff, I am no where near getting married. But soon, I will have to be seen naked. Well, kinda naked. In five months I am going to Ecuador. And to get to that country, one has to board a plane. And now thanks to a crazy man, travelers of the sky variety are being subjected to stark naked travels. Ok, not completely, but the way things are going, come May, I may have to go through security with nothing but me and my naked self. As of right now though, travelers are having to go through a full body scanner. In which the random security people, who may or may not be perverts, get to see us all nice and nakey. All of us. Wrinkles and love handles and sun spots.

Now I am fully aware that by the time I cross the naked threshold of the airport security, these poor security people will have seen many many more naked people before me. But still. I don't want to be yet another overweight American in which my naked picture may or may not be able to be saved and sent over the internet through perverted security people's e-mail accounts. Or at the very least, if me in my naked glory do get sent via e-mail, I would like it to be cuz of my stunning crazy in shape body and not for my much loved love handles.

Today was the first day of the 'get naked' plan. Today I ran. Started my 13 week 'how to become a runner' plan...again. I have started it many many many times. Obviously, not once have I finished. In 13 weeks, I will be able to run a 1/2 marathon. Or so the plan boasts. 13 weeks puts us right into April. Which is perfecto as May comes right after April and May is the naked month. Stark naked travels, here I come!!!

PS- going to Ecuador for a nursing trip. My nursing school friends and I are all going for 2 weeks in May. It is going to be supremely amazing. More to come on that.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Offically 2 semesters to go

Well, I did it. I have officially passed my second semester of nursing school. I only have two left. Two. Just two. In 12 little short months I will graduate with an actual degree that will get me an actual job where I will make actual money. I can not wait. To bide my time until graduation, I have spent many hours debating on where I should go after I graduate. Where to live?? Since I currently live in freaking Antarctica, I am leaning towards someplace where it doesn't snow and there are no such things as 'ice pellets'. Actually wording from today's weather forecast! So disturbing. Anywhos...

I am free of school for three weeks. I am going to read. I can not wait! But now I am faced with the decision of what books to read. Any suggestions? Currently I am thinking I should read some classics that I managed to avoid in high school. Right now I am reading the Scarlett Letter. What a drag that one is.

And since that book is about the most boringest thing ever, second to homework, I have found myself looking for other things to do...such as clean my room. HAHAHAHA!!!! Ok, really, though. Things I want to do over winter break....

1) Throw everything I own away. Seriously. Maybe one of these days after I type those words I will actually do it. But before I move again, my goal is to have two suitcases. Just two. No more junk. Two suitcases. I have not decided if I get two suitcases per season or just two suitcases total?

2) Find decent salad recipes. I mean, seriously peoples. There are salads out there that do not have 'chef' or 'caesar' in the title and I want to learn how to make them. I have had some of them in restaurants. But who can afford a $12 bowl of lettuce? So I need to figure out how to make fancy lettuce at my house. Anyone have some good recipes out there?

3) Organize my pictures. I have hundreds of pictures. One of my friends picked up a random photo album of mine the other day. It had about 6 pictures in it. Lame. It is time to take the many many boxes of pictures that I have and put them somewhere productive. Or at least into photo albums that will fit into my two suitcases.

4) And last but not least, find a book that isn't lame. Any suggestions? In doing that, I will have a perfectly good excuse not to do any of the above things on my list. And reading good books by the fire and pretending I don't live in hell frozen over...perfection.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Really fantastic lemonade

When life hands you lemons, it is all sorts of helpful to have friends that will make the lemonade for you.

I have been reminded this week about how lucky I am. I am amazed at how amazing my friends are. Seriously. Love and more love has come from all corners of my life this week. How do you even begin thanking people who have gone out of their way to make sure that we all survived this week? Words can not express, fruit baskets can not express. Thank you, my friends. Really and truly, thank you.

Friday, November 6, 2009


I have nothing to say. Just going along here. Passing school. This is good. I am going to be a full fledged nurse in one year and two months. My parents are very excited for me to move out. I think they will have thrown all of my belongings onto the front lawn by the time I get home from graduation.

I miss my sister, Emily. She is on a church mission in Pocatello, Idaho. She will be home in February. So close. She has informed us that she doesn't think she is going to call home on Christmas. Since she will be home so soon after and all. What a doofus. I still love her...even if she doesn't want to talk to us at Christmas. Though, seriously? No phone call? What a lame-o.

Speaking of sisters, one of mine had a birthday. I sent her a package filled with some of her favorite foods, all wrapped in her favorite color. I even made her HOMEMADE (not even the Nestle cookie dough, really homemade) cookies. You know what she said? "You didn't get me anything from my list." Ungrateful ingrate. But I still love her. May never send her a package again though.

Earlier this week, we lost our dog, Shelby. After searching the neighborhood and yelling her name, we found our house...upstairs...sitting in her kennel.

Our neighbor lady who never leaves her house has the worlds worst lawn service. They cut our tree diagonally so as to not interfere with her tree. Her tree has grown onto our property. Now we have a diagonal tree. It looks stupid.

I am irritated with the whole pig flu thing. If I get the flu, I am just going to call it the regular old fashioned flu...regardless...just to be different.

I fell down the stairs. Dislodged a blood clot in my arm. Or so I have self diagnosed. I also had mouth cancer. Actually it was just a canker sore. But it was a close call.

Had a stupid boy incident. I had just had a conversation with one of my guy friends about how I need to be nicer to guys, how I should not expect so much. The very next day I had the incident. I found irony in that.

I had a 100-year-old patient the other day. He was determined to escape from the hospital. While we were walking, he was scoping out the exit signs. The only way I got him to turn around was to remind him how mad his wife of 75 some years would be at him if he left without her. He turned around. Smart man.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I could have danced all night

To my dearest friend Megan,

What an incredible day today was. Perfect in every way. You looked spectacular. Your dress was fabulous. Classic. It was your perfect dress. Your family threw an amazing party. I could have danced all night. You are flawless, my dear. I am so happy that today finally happened. It was a perfect day. A perfect occasion. A perfect couple. Congratulations my dear, dear Megan.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

6000 emails

I am trying to dejunk my life. I need to work on my bedroom. Instead I dejunked my e-mail accounts. Today I deleted over 6,000 emails from my yahoo account alone. The oldest e-mail I deleted was from the year 2000. I kept 366 e-mails. That is 366 e-mails that deemed worthy of living in my inbox for a little bit longer. I need to learn to delete e-mails when I get them. Though warm fuzzies to my friends because prior to today I had kept just about every e-mail you had ever sent me. Now that is true love.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Small things make all the difference

I just got off the phone with one of my best friends. We talked for 2 and 1/2 hours. As always, it was great. She lives on the other side of the country from me, so I only see her maybe once a year. Thank goodness for the phone cuz I would be so lost without being able to talk to her. Actually talk, almost as good as if we didn't live on opposite sides of the nation.

Since I have been riding my bike more, one of my best friends has been giving me and my bike rides home when it is super late or super dark or when I am super tired. I don't even have to ask, he just does it. He puts his bike rack on his car, loads my bike up for me, takes me home, takes my bike off the rack, and even sometimes walks my bike into my garage! I just am amazed at how nice he is to me and I think how lucky am I to have someone in my life who will do something like this for me. It makes my day. Every time.

One of my friends from work brought Special K bars to work today that were 'me' friendly. No dairy. Yesterday we were talking about how I have never tasted these Special K bars that one of the nurses brings in because of my allergies and so they went home and made some that I could have. Today I tasted my first Special K bar, made special just for me! And they were so good!! So nice!!! It is not the easiest thing in the world to make food that I can eat and I am always so impressed that people will put that much work into making sure that I can eat something!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Noni is 10 today. For all of those who know who Noni is, you know the craziness of that. Little Noni is 10. Craziness.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Studying my brains out

Tomorrow is my first test for this semester. I am very nervous and so I am studying like a mad man. Interestingly enough, I am kind of enjoying it. Though tomorrow I will be cranky and tired and I will probably cry, which is what I usually do when I am cranky and tired. It is going to be a long night and a long day tomorrow. What I have learned from this first test...I need to study more. A lot more. I am going to become a study addict. Thank goodness I kinda like it. Kinda.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Stupid cake

I ate cake for breakfast. Ugh.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Eyebrow massacre

Well, ladies and gentlemen...I finally did it. Really, I knew this day would come. Today, I destroyed my eyebrows. Luckily I still have two but they are now shorter and much farther apart. It makes my forehead look extra huge. I was trying to be fancy and shape them. Didn't work. For those of you who live far away, I will be fair and say that it really isn't that bad. In fact, if I just wear my glasses, I don't think you can tell. And for those of you who live close, if you can tell even with my glasses on, please don't tell me.

I did this fantastic waxing job because I got all inspired to have glamorous was either that or botox. I have recently decided that I would look better if my eyebrows would just go up a tiny bit more in the center. Botox would be a quick fix. But so would just going back to the salon to rip my eyebrows into submission. No worries people, I won't actually get least not until I turn 31....

Anywhos- on the topic of my glamorous ideas, I have not had any others. Since school started, I have turned into a blob. This is not good. Last school year I turned into a blog and gained 20 pounds in one semester. Gross. I have stopped riding my bike. I have stopped eating oatmeal for breakfast, instead just eating nothing or sometimes cake for breakfast. I have not flossed my teeth. One of my friends even gave me steel cut oats to try...have not even opened the box. Poop. Tomorrow I am going to have steel cut oatmeal for breakfast. Tomorrow I will go running. Reality? Tomorrow I will at least try not to eat cake for breakfast.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Crunchy disasters

I tried my friend's oatmeal suggestions this morning. Complete disaster. So much so that there was an oatmeal explosion all over my microwave and it was still crunchy. I ate it plain today. Gross. Tomorrow, I will try again and this time will try some of my comment suggestions. Which, PS to my dear friend...where does one buy steel cut oats? I could not find them at the grocery store today.

Earned my pony tail today. Rode my bike to and from work. Fell off my bike at a busy intersection. How embarrassing. Cars stopped to make sure I was alright. Pride was the only injury.

As for the eating healthy...ate plain crunchy oatmeal for breakfast, fresh watermelon for lunch, and homemade spaghetti for dinner. Oh, and four cookies and peach cobbler. Ugh. I did so well until the cookies and cobbler. The cobbler was made from fresh peaches? Does that count? Will try harder tomorrow.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Breakfast poop

Yet another new try and limit the kinds of crappy foods I eat.

I have been trying for about 2 years now to slowly but surely make lifestyle changes towards what I eat. And I have slowly but surely made some changes. But they have been little tiny baby changes. I feel like perhaps now is the time to at least try to start making some larger steps. I read an article in a magazine about only eating things that have a few ingredients. I think the article suggested 4 ingredients. I don't so much care about the actual number but I care a lot about the concept. I know that I should eat more natural foods. We all know that. I want to change my diet habits to encourage myself to eat mainly foods that only have a few ingredients. If only the crappy, high fat, high sugar stuff was instead the natural foods. Poop. Instead, the natural foods taste like poop. Ok, not really. Really, I need to learn how to properly cook the natural foods so that they do taste good. I have a friend who is so good at this she made toast, tomato and basil taste good. See, my friend is my example. Every time she suggests something healthy, I cringe. But every single time she produces this amazingly wonderful food, natural plus all sorts of tasty. Soooo.....

Starting this morning I made myself good old crappy tasting oatmeal. Plain old rolled oats oatmeal. Tastes like poop. Ok, I have never actually tasted poop, but I think that my breakfast this morning would have been a good example. My first and biggest problem with oatmeal (and I am embarrassed to admit) is I can't cook oatmeal. It is always crunchy. So not only does my breakfast taste like poop, it tastes like crunchy poop. Sick on so many levels. I have tried cooking it on the stove and in the microwave. I follow the recipe to the letter. Stupid crunchy healthy one ingredient oatmeal. This morning I added fresh blueberries, which I hate; fresh cherries, which I hate; and fresh peaches, which I hate. It was a hard morning. It took me so long to eat that I was late for my lunch meeting. Eeewww. But everything for breakfast was one lousy ingredient. Lunch and dinner was not so good. But tomorrow, back to the oatmeal. And I have plans for all sorts of few ingredient meals for lunch and dinner tomorrow. Tonight I received oatmeal cooking tips. I will implement them in the morning. As for the cherries, blueberries and peaches, I will prevail. I am a firm believer that you can train yourself to like anything, including oatmeal that tastes like crunchy poop.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The secret to exercise

The secret to exercise? Apparently there is none.

I just read an article from Time magazine, (,8599,1914857-1,00.html ), about why exercise won't make you thin. I knew it! I knew that watching NCIS was a better alternative! My favorite part of the whole article was this paragraph.

" June the Association for Psychological Science issued a news release saying that "physical exercise ... may indeed preserve or enhance various aspects of cognitive functioning." But in fact, those who had better cognitive function merely walked more and climbed more stairs. They didn't even walk faster; walking speed wasn't correlated with cognitive ability."

Why I like this part so much? Because recently a group of women I know were chastised for being part of a walking group that was not walking fast enough. WHAT? This kind of mentality drives me insane. Sure, maybe they could walk faster, but if this is the only exercise that they are doing, it is better then none. One of my co-workers lectured me for eating pretzels. She said I should be eating carrots. UGH! Of course, I know that I should be eating carrots but at least I am not eating potato chips. For me, it is all about baby steps. I am currently on pretzels. Soon, I will baby step it to carrots. The walking group? Those ladies will eventually start to walk faster. But I know from personal experience. I can run dang hard and dang long the first day, but I won't run at all the next. Where if I walk/run for 15 minutes for two weeks, I will be able to continue walking/running for 20 minutes the next two weeks. Baby steps.

But what this article was really saying was that as we exercise, we get more hungry and as we are more hungry we can justify eating more and worse because of the amazing workout we just had. The author used muffins at Starbucks (not a problem) and Gatorade (ok, maybe a little bit of a problem), as examples. And this is where it pertains to me. I LOVE lemonade. I love just love any sugary drink. And I always justify myself in drinking lemonade or Gatorade because I just worked out super hard for like, 15 whole minutes. I obviously have burned away any electrolytes that my body so desperately needs so I must have to drink a Gatorade just to be healthy. Yea right. I have plenty of electrolytes left in my body after my measly 15 minute workout. It is most certainly a great goal for me to someday be the kind of athlete that needs to drink Gatorade to replenish burned electrolytes but I am nowhere near that now.

So the moral of this story is that I need to start cutting out my sugaring drinks. This is huge. I drink the Panera lemonade so much that the workers give me free refills, which is against the rules. But since I drink it so much they know me there. Craziness. But as much as I love my lemonade, I hate working out even more. And I have to work out. If not to lose weight, to at least help preserve my bone density and my arteries. And if I have to work out, I am not going to throw away the last 15 minutes of hell on a stupid lemonade. So new goal. Cut down the sugary drinks. Drink more water. I must break my addiction to lemonade. Ugh. Why can't I be one of those people who don't like sugar? I am not sure I have ever met anyone like that, but I hear they exist.

My Secret Plan

My goal of becoming organized by throwing everything I own away is being pushed into the forefront.

My father has a problem. He can not throw anything away. He is so anal about it that he keeps track of how much trash is in the garbage can in the garage! If he feels that there is to much garbage out there, he will go through the entire can!! SO GROSS!! During the few times I have attempted my organization goal, he has dug through my trash and pulled out everything he deemed not garbage. Which was pretty much everything.

But my father is going out of town this week. He is going to be gone over a garbage day. The goal is to get as much stuff as I can thrown away while he is unable to pillage through the trash. The garbage people come on Wed. Only 2 days left. The pressure is on. Stay tuned. Maybe I will even post a picture of the curb on garbage day.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

If only I was a lesbian

Seriously. Have you noticed that girls are the best at giving compliments? When you look good, they tell you. And the best thing about girls is that they still think you are pretty darn amazing even when you are not all dressed up. As girls, we get all dressed up, we primp, we squeeze, we pluck, we, in essence, torture ourselves. All for the sake of men. And the only people who notice are the girls. And they are the ones that don't care if I shave my legs. They don't care if I am wearing uncomfortable heels or ripped out half of my eyebrow. They still love me when I am wearing flip flops and pjs and my eyebrows have become two fuzzy caterpillars. My girl friends think I am the cat's pajamas when I am in my pajamas. Dang my attraction to men. Cuz my girl friends are pretty much amazing in every way. They are wonderful. A girl could not ask for better friends. Lucky lucky me. Yay for my incredible friends! Thanks for the compliments ladies!!!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Plan B is overtaking my life

I am sick sick sick of plan B. Did I miss the train to plan A? Seriously, did I miss it? I am bored with plan B. Sick of plan B. Tired of plan B. I want plan A. Now. And anyone who does not know what I am talking about is an idiot. Ok, maybe not. That was harsh. I guess there are the few who have never had a plan B. Plan A was all that they needed. Stupid plan A people. But I guess I should be grateful that I am only on plan B. I could be on plan C or D. That is a dreadful thought. Just great, now I have something else to worry about! Plan C. Oh crap. To all of my friends who are asking the same question as I am...WHERE IS MY PLAN A!!???

Letter to my friends

Dear friends:
Of course I wear a helmet. I am much to fond of my head, spine and brains to take a chance not wearing a helmet. Though my helmet would not be in a very fair fight against a speeding bus. Would I look like a complete idiot wearing a full motorcycle helmet on my bike? Something for me to ponder...
Much love,

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Things I must do before Tuesday

Tonight I rode my bike home from work. At 11PM. It was dark. I ride really really fast at night because I fear either being hit by a car or being raped. If I ride on the streets, I have a much higher chance of being crushed by a car, breaking every bone in my body or becoming a vegetable from a head/spine injury. My bones do not heal as well as they used to. And I ride an old bike. I can just see my bike tire popping, sending me head first into oncoming traffic, which will not be adhering to the posted speed limits and will not be a bunch of smart cars. Instead, it will be some crazy speeding bus. Smooshed like a bug on a bus. And if my bones are all fixable but my brain is not, my parents do not hold the same belief as I do that if I became a vegetable that they should pull the plug. Dang parents.

If I do not ride on the streets with the high speed vehicles, I have to ride on the bike path and there is one part of the bike path that goes off of the road into the dark abyss. This is where my rape victim percentage goes way up. Tonight I took the rapist option. Pedaled very very fast. Told myself that next time I will take the vegetable risk route. I don't feel like I have any good options to choose from. But the entire way home tonight, I went over and over in my head the things I need to have in my possession before Tuesday which is when I will ride at night again.

First and foremost, I need pepper spray. I personally think that pepper spray is not near as effective as I would like my form of defense to be against future rapists, but all other ideas I have had have been vetoed. I looked into getting a concealed weapons license. My friend was going to take the class with me until I told him that I wanted to be able to carry a handgun with me on my way home so that I can shoot the balls of any potential rapists. He did not think this was the safest or smartest route for me. He may have a point. My next idea was a taser. I liked the taser idea because I could fry the balls of any potential rapist from a distance. Perfect line of defense. I could defend myself from a distance. Until I learned that that kind of taser was illegal. What a joke. The only kind of taser I can use to defend myself is one that you have to actually be touching the rapist to tase him. thanks. So pepper spray it is. That and my pure and utter rage of any sicko who thinks he can jump me on my bike at night. He will certainly miss his balls after I remove them with my fingernails.

The second thing I need is a stronger head light for my bike. Currently my light is this little measly reading lamp like thing attached to my handle bars. I can see a small stream of light coming from it but it barely hits the ground. Fairly pointless as I want to use to it avoid large bumps, crevices, potential rapists, and road kill. Along the same lines of a stronger light, I need to first fix my bike. I am riding my mother's old bike. It is probably close to 15 years old, at least. Good old Huffys! Anywhos- the handle bars are slightly askew, pointing to the left. This is a problem because I don't so much care what is happening to my left. I am much more concerned about what is going on in front of me on the road. When I try to move my light to see in front of me, my bike takes a sharp turn to the right and I land in the bushes. The plus of landing in the bushes is that I will land and smoosh any potential rapists. The bad thing is I will land in a bush and probably break some of my tender bones. Bad news. So I need to fix my handlebars.

Pepper spray, new front light and fix my handle bars. Oh and floss my teeth.

The key to finding a husband

Today I picked up my friend for church. She looked right at me and informed me that my hair was wet. Yep, I had just taken a shower so I was very aware that my hair was wet. Next words out of her mouth? "You are never going to find yourself a husband if you go to church with your hair wet." Great, just great. Apparently this is the key to finding myself a husband that I had grossly overlooked. Add that to my list of things to do. I spent the rest of the drive to church with my head hanging out the window like a dog in a pitiful attempt to dry my hair before I got to church. New goal...get up at the freaking butt crack of dawn, actually dry my hair after I wash it, put stuff in it and do my hair every day. Yea, right. According to my friend, wet hair makes me look like I don't care enough about myself. In actuality, it just means I want to sleep in instead of getting up and doing my hair. But apparently, this is not what the rest of the population thinks when I have wet hair. Stupid rest of the population. I am not sure finding a husband is worth getting up even earlier just to dry my hair. To be fair, there was not one other girl in church who had wet hair...and the vast majority of them were married. Hmmm?? Perhaps something to ponder...

Saturday, August 1, 2009


100 reasons...100 days...November 9, 2009

Friday, July 31, 2009


Goal: To ride my bike instead of driving.

Small Goal: To be able to make it all the way up the hill on the way to work without having to get off and walk my bike up it.

Triumphant! Today my mountain was turned into a mole hill and I conquered my hill! I even made great time and arrived to work considerably less sweaty and stinky then I usually do when I ride my bike to work. Only looked half dead instead of a hit and run victim left to die a slow and miserable death. Drastic improvement. Yay for me!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

So happy

Things that make me so happy...

1) My job. Ok, it is a drag that I am not a bazillionare and so I have to work, but how lucky am I to be employed by one the best hospitals in the world?? I get to see the most amazing things everyday. If I was somewhere else, I would not have that opportunity.

2) My stuffed penguin. He is soft. He needs a name. Any suggestions?

3) My knees. Since I wiped out on my bike, I have not been able to kneel on that knee. Little did I realize how much I used that knee every day. I love my knees.

4) One of my bestest friends may be coming to visit me! How lucky am I? I can not wait!

5) Harry Potter 6 Midnight showing! 5 hours early, playing Catch Phrase with complete strangers, running with my little sisters to be the first people in the theatre, watching awesome previews and of course, HARRY POTTER! Can't wait for movies 7 and 8!

Sometimes, things just can't get any better!

Monday, July 20, 2009

So little time...

This is my second post on this topic. I pulled my last one off as my own sisters said it was confusing and if my own sisters can't follow my scattered thinking pattern, how in the world can I expect the rest of my friends to follow here is a revamped version of my newest goal development.

Per #6 on my list, Be on time. I don't understand why this is so hard. Sometimes I have a valid reason, like this morning when I snoozed through my alarm many many minutes knowing I had plenty of time. That is until I remembered I had not showered in two days and as a courtesy to my classmates, HAD to shower. See, lost track of days, had to smell nice (or at least decent), therefore, was late. But still, only 10 minutes, so I was pretty impressed. But mostly I am late because I woke up two hours early and watched three episodes of FRIENDS, each episode thinking, 'Oh, I have time to watch one more', and poof, I am late.

I HATE it when people are late. I HATE it when I am late. I think it is disrespectful and rude and I do it ALL the time. I have friends where I know it drives them INSANE when people are late and I STILL can't make it on time. I can just as easily get ready to go two hours early and after I am all ready, watch FRIENDS until it is time to go, instead of the other way around.

So per this months Readers Digest, my new plan. For every minute I am late, I owe the person I kept waiting $1. I have a three minute leeway. But after that initial three minutes, the tally begins. Day one was Thursday. I ended up forking over $23 to my friend. Shameful. Day two, I was only three minutes late, so only $3. And today, I was 2 minutes late. My friend donated her newly acquired $2 to her wedding fund! I am having trouble getting my friends to take my money. I just keep telling them that I don't care what they do with it, donate it a stranger, donate to your wedding, whatever.

A potential problem with this new rule is that as little money that I do have, I am remarkably bad with my money. So bad that I may not even notice or care that I am forking out large chunks of cash. Which brings up a goal on my new list of becoming a grownup....become financially responsible. I made a new list of goals just the other day, to take the place of my old list as many of those goals have been accomplished, like flossing. But I lost my new list. Which brings to the top of my list an old become organized. Poop. So many things to work on and so little time before I become a grownup.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Torn up

Today I had my very first official bike face plant. Totally fell off my bike...hard. Of course, there were plenty of people on the path to stop and make sure I was alright and make sure that I was aware that many people saw me face plant. How embarrassing! I hit the side of the path, over corrected and face planted it. Ripped my most favorite pair of pants. Ripped my brand new amazing bike seat. Oh, and ripped my knee. I was tough though. Bounced right back up, made sure my knee was not profusely bleeding and started to cry when I saw my brand new bike seat all torn up. So sad. Becca was fascinated that I was more worried about my seat over my knee. After a few tears shed over my seat, I got back on and Becca and I finished riding...had to prove my toughness. I have decided that the new rips in the seat make me look tough. At least they will once I stop crying... poor little perfect seat.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Twinkly lights

Last night my friend and I went for a walk as the sun was almost gone. The fireflies/lightening bugs were everywhere and fantastic. Literally lit up the woods like twinkly lights. It was one of the most amazingly beautiful things I have ever seen. Wonderful little lightening bugs. Thank goodness there are bugs whose bums light up. It was an incredible night.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Sad news

My little Izzy has Cushing's disease.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy 4th of July

This was Shelby's (the dog) first July 4th with us. Apparently Shelby is afraid of fireworks. Oh, and so is Izzy (the other dog). Tonight when I got home, I let poor Shelby inside because she was huddled out back by the door and I let Izzy out of her kennel. I was the only one home. We live far away from the main fireworks but you could still kind of hear them and you could certainly hear other fireworks going off. So the dogs and I sat in the house. At some point during the evening, Izzy decides she needs to go outside to do her business. So all three of us go out front, only to have two dogs try to jump into my arms while I stood there. Big scary noises equal two dogs literally scared crapless. So back inside we go. I keep Izzy in my constant sight as Izzy needs to poo and Izzy likes to poo in the living room. Thus begins the trauma.

Izzy starts pacing back and forth over me on the couch and suddenly floofs ON MY ARM!! Super gross! I had doggie gas on MY ARM. Back outside all three of us go. Again, two dogs too afraid to crap let alone leave my side. So back inside we go. I call my parents, thinking they have got to be close to home. Maybe we could do a little doggie group therapy and together help the dogs poo outside and not so much in the living room. My mother suggests I try taking them out back, where Shelby lives. It is a fenced backyard so perhaps they will feel safer. I open the door, Izzy goes out, the bugs come in, and Shelby takes off across the house in fear of the big scary noises and being left outside. I shut the door on Izzy, leaving her outside, many many bugs inside and chase after Shelby. Shelby has positioned herself in an almost impossible angle to reach her collar (smart dog). I proceed to climb over her and try to man handle my 50 lb dog towards the back door. She proceeds to play dead. (Again, smart dog). I am now trying to move 50lbs of dead weight across the room, all while trying to be firm but in reality laughing hysterically. HELLOOOOO!! A dog floofed on MY ARM!! The dogs must do their duty outside and it must happen before more then a floof is left on my arm! So in the process of dragging my faker dog to the door, I pull a muscle in my back. I finally get Shelby to the door, open the door, Izzy runs in, the bugs run in and in the process of trying to catch Izzy, Shelby gets loose and flies across the room again. By this time, I am laughing hysterically, I can barely stand up straight my back hurts so bad and there is a giganto moth flying by my head. I look up and what do I see? A very triumphant Shelby perched on the couch like she owns it. Bad Shelby. She is not allowed on the couch. I try to scold her in my best Cesar impression but I am laughing to hard. I limp to the couch where Shelby sits, master of her domain, and try to pull her off, all the while trying to use my firm voice and keep my eye on Izzy in case of spontaneous poopage. Shelby just grins. It takes all I have to push her off the couch, my back is on fire, the giganto moth is trying to eat me and Izzy is slinking off to her triumphant return to the living room. I am laughing so hard that Izzy might not be the only one to lose bladder control in the living room and there is Shelby, in all her glory, grinning at me. The two dogs and I end up sitting on the kitchen floor, me popping Ibuprofen and trying to stretch out my back. Shelby just sits there giving me kisses. Stupid difficult amazingly cute affectionate calm dog. I love her. And I start laughing again. Now...where did Izzy go???

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

lazy lazy lazy

I am lazy. Ask anyone who knows me, lazy lazy lazy. I don't even like washing my hair because I have to redo it all over again. What a waste of time. But desperate times call for desperate measures. My birthday is looming. My guy friends who have already celebrated this glorious year insist on telling me how horrible it was. I am determined to prove them wrong. So, first step in proving them wrong is to not let things get any worse. I am determined to take control of my body. That said, remember, I am lazy lazy lazy. It is especially hard to get off my lazy tush and do something physically active when I could just watch FRIENDS reruns. So starting this past Sunday, I have done something desperate. I have a new rule.

My new rule is in regards to my hair. As I said, I hate doing my hair (lazy). I wear my hair in a ponytail everyday. Those who know me can probably count on one hand the times they have seen me with my hair down. My new rule is that I can only wear my hair in a ponytail for the day if I have done a substantial workout that day. If I have not, I can not wear my hair in a ponytail. This is devastating news for me. I love ponytails. And I am not a fan of wearing my hair down, especially in the summer. I can still wear my hair up if I have not done anything but I will have to do something creative. And as I am not creative or talented with hairstyles, this means more work for me. And all the work doing my hair that day, I might as well take the time to exercise. I am hoping this new rule works. It has so far. Exceptions are only Sundays and weekends where I work 12 hour shifts. But working anything less does not count as an exception. And I REALLY hate wearing my hair down at work. So if you see me and I have my hair in a ponytail, please be sure to interrogate me and make sure I am not cheating. Here is to many more ponytail days.

Saturday, June 27, 2009


Quite to my dismay, one of my friends informed me that my blog won't let them post comments. Such sadness as I love comments...who doesn't? So today I figured out how to change it. Now I am expecting loads of comments...;)

Thursday, June 11, 2009


The newest doggie fashion accessory! Doggles! Izzy loves loves loves to hang her head out the window. My mother, who loves her dog more than her children, was all worried that Izzy would get a bug in her eye or some horrible thing like that. Solution...Doggles!

Izzy posing before the ride!Izzy in action!

Izzy looking her coolest!

I think the doggles are pretty much about the funniest thing I have subjected Izzy to. I also think that more people should have doggles for their dogs. I would tell many people about Doggles, but I made a promise to someone that I would not mention doggles to their wife. He thinks they have enough dog accessories. Not possible. But I promised. So I will not. Even though I think that their dog would look all sorts of awesome in doggles! So I decided to blog about them in an attempt to share my message of how awesome doggles are without going back on my promise, (plus Izzy looks awesome). I know that this person has read my blog at least once. I am interested to see if anyone out there invests in these cool doggie sunglasses after reading my blog.... ( I am so tricky...;) )

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Trade Secrets

As I have posted over and over again, I am now wearing eye makeup. I wear it everyday. One of my guy friends informed me that I should NOT be wearing makeup every day, just a couple days a week. And I shouldn't wear it to work. What a joke. I will come right out and admit it. I wear makeup for men. I don't want to be single forever. I think I look perfectly fine without my makeup on but I also know I look better all decked out. I think I need to wear my makeup everyday. And especially at work, cuz lets be serious, I work with doctors. And I want to be looking good enough every day that just in case I meet a guy who looks at my incredibly makeuped eyes and thinks, "I should ask that girl with those great eyes to be my wife". Or at least offer to pay for my dinner. Imagine if I didn't wear my makeup everyday and that one day I were to meet a guy who doesn't even notice cuz I am looking all sorts of blah. And please don't leave a comment saying that I only want a guy who doesn't care what I look like and loves me anyways. Whatever. Does not exist.

So anywhos- back to my trade secrets. So according to this guy, makeup should only be worn a few time a week. He is a moron. But ladies, where do you wear your makeup? I don't go to the gym, but I have to admit, I probably would wear it if I went. I don't put my face on if I am not planning on leaving the house all day. Would you wear it if you were to go to the beach? Boating? Working outside? The gym? At work? Not on weekends? Share your wealth of knowledge with me cuz I have no idea and I am not about to start taking advice from a guy.

Finally, Pictures

This is my new dog. Her name is Shelby. She is a German Shepard mix. She is most wonderful.
This is Shelby's "cone of shame". She had a doggie hysterectomy.
And this is the birthday cake. Not pretty, not perfect, but certainly fun.

Harry Potter

IS AWESOME!! I finished the 7th book again yesterday! I am totally ready and waiting for July 14! Harry Potter 6!!!!!

Saturday, June 6, 2009


Last night I had dinner with a friend and her baby. She was telling us that at nine months, babies have depleted their naturally stored iron that they are born with and now need to be getting their needed iron through food, such as the famous rice cereal. This was a concern for her because her baby was not a fan of solid food. Later in the conversation her baby starts picking her nose, much to mommy's appall. My friend said that her baby just eats all of her boogers, much to her dismay. I, of course, mention that if I were her, I would ask the doctor if there was any nutritional value in baby boogers...perhaps protein, iron, you get the just. Everyone laughed. But sadly, my dears, I would TOTALLY ask my doctor this. Cuz seriously, problem solved! A little booger now and then never hurt anyone! This makes me wonder though, that if I ever have children...will there be anything I won't let them eat?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I was SO right....

I don't know why I doubt myself. My cake arrived safe and sound in one glorious piece. It may not have been pretty or on time, but it looked pretty darn cool, if I may say so myself. Some day I will conquer figuring out how to put pictures on the blog and post my cake. Some day is not to be today though because I am going to go take a nap. Yay for big cakes!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Cakes and Crumbs

In five hours I have to get up and frost and decorate a three layer birthday cake. I NEED to go to bed. But, of course, I can not. I need to be well rested tomorrow so that in case of cake disaster, I will not have a nervous breakdown. My friend is turning 30 and she wanted a giganto cake for her birthday cake. Imagine wedding cake. Hopefully I will develop mad cake decorating skills while I am sleeping tonight! My only other cake like this was for another friend's birthday. It was a Halloween cake and it had a butcher knife on top with blood oozing down the sides. Super cool, if I may say so myself. (as I am the coolest). But tomorrow's cake is a little more worrisome. Not the decorating part. I figure worst comes to worst, my friend will have a bleeding Halloween cake in May. Worse things have happened.
The thing I fear the most is that all the old ladies are right! I do not like being put in place by older ladies who know better then I do. I am determined to be right, dang it. Though, I have a sneaking suspicion that they are the right ones. Poop. Especially since they will be right about a very large cake. You see, I want to put all the layers together in my own kitchen, decorate it and be done. All the experienced ladies tell me that I should put it together there. Well, I DO NOT WANT TO DO IT THAT WAY. Why must people constantly disagree with me? Has not everyone figured out yet that I AM ALWAYS RIGHT....or so this birthday cake depends? Tomorrow morning I will put together and decorate my cake. I will then drive it two hours (did I forget to mention the two hours part ) and deliver it to the birthday party. If said cake arrives in one wonderful piece...I was right (as I always am). If said cake arrives in pile of crumbs...well, that is why we have forks. Wish me luck.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

40 things to do before I turn 40

My sister and her friends are about to turn 25. Listening to them, you would think this is a major crisis. I, who am about to turn 30, have very little sympathy. They have started making lists of 30 things they want to have accomplished by the time they are 30. Since I love making lists of things I will never accomplish, I have felt a great desire to also make a list of things I want to accomplish before I turn 30. But alas, I turn 30 in two short months. Not much fun to be had in such a short time. My solution? 40 things to do before I turn 40. My problem? The list of things you do before you turn 40 are much less fun and exciting. For example...
1) Have a substantial start to retirement savings
2) Finish family
3) Have a substantial start to children's college fund
4) Have found a very good therapist for self and marriage
5) Daily wrinkle reducing cream
6) Not have cancer
7) No car payments
8) Still be married
9) Have daily commute of less than one hour
10) Still be able to convincingly deny any gray hair
11) Still be able to convincingly deny that husband has obscene hair growth on his back
12) Have a healthy and regular sex life
13) Have a healthy and regular digestive system.

See what I mean. Not much fun. Ok, 12 sounds fun. Anywhos. So I focus on my two short months before I turn 30. Two more months before I REALLY have to start worrying about retirement.
1) Finish rereading the Harry Potter series in order to be sufficiently prepared for the 6th movie.
2) Be able to stay awake for entire midnight showing of 6th Harry Potter movie.
3) Teach new dog how to sit, stay and come. And how to freaking chase a ball.
4) Lose 10 lbs by training for a 5K.
5) Sleep in...a lot.

And that, my friends, is all I want to do in the next two months. It sounds blissful! I can't wait!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

You looked tired.

You look tired. Why do people tell you this? All they are really saying is that you look like crap. It is the socially accepted insult. What are you supposed to say back? Yes, I am tired and thank you for mentioning that I look like crap. It is almost as bad as being asked when are you due? Nope, not having a baby, just fat. Seriously people.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Long time....

It has been a long time. What has happened lately? Ummm...I bought more eye makeup. I am now the proud wearer of mascara, eyeliner, and three colors of eye shadow. I am getting pretty good at putting it on, if I may say so. But you must all promise that if I look like a fool any given day, you must tell me. You all know what I mean. We have all seen ladies whose makeup looks awful. I even knew someone whose makeup looked awful on their wedding day. How horrible. So I depend on you to tell me if my makeup application or color looks awful. I don't want to be one of those girls who have terrible makeup. What else...I finished my first semester of nursing school with a B!! WOOHOOO!!!!! We adopted a new dog. She is a German Shepard mix and she is amazing. She can go running with me if I ever decide to go running. Which brings up the fact that I skipped the 5K in which I had already paid $20 for. Pitiful. Though one of my crazy running friends said she would write me up a schedule to get ready for a half marathon in October. Hopefully. I am crossing my fingers.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Val's run

Check out for Val's details!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Val is offically a marathon runner!

Val finished the SLC marathon in 4 hrs and some minutes!! How amazing is that!!!?? She totally ran a marathon and now will have bragging rights for the rest of her life!! Thanks to my super incredible friend, Jen, who went and cheered her on and took pictures! I am so excited to see the pics!
Congrats Val!!!!

Monday, April 13, 2009


I am amazing. Why? Because in one month and one day, I will have finished and passed my first semester of nursing school!!!! Hooray!!!

But I am not the only amazing one. My friend Val is super amazing. She is also super crazy. She is going to run the Salt Lake City marathon this weekend. As in April 18. As in two days from now. I so wish I could be there to cheer her on! I am totally counting on my friends in Utah to go and take pictures! She is a mom of three girls and she still has time to train for a marathon. The only person I take care of is me and I can't find the motivation to go on a walk, let alone run 21 miles on a treadmill. Yes, you read right. She has run 21 miles on a ONE run!!! She truly is a huge motivation for me to get off my bum and run. Yet, obviously not enough of a motivation. Cuz my 5K is in one month and I have yet to run. Perhaps after I hear about how her and her amazing husband who is running the last six miles with her to help her finish, perhaps that is when I will be more motivated?? I am very excited for Val! I am excited that her three way cute girls get to be there when their amazing mom runs across the finish line of her very first marathon! I will be cheering for you from here Val! Listen hard and maybe you will here it. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I have a 60-year-old bladder

As you all know, I am about to turn 30. I have noticed things that have been changing as I age. Listen to me, I sound like I am 80. One drastic thing that has been changing is that I can not sleep through the night anymore without having to get up and go to the bathroom. Not ever. Usually at least twice a night. I blamed this on my age. I mean, I am not 20 anymore! This has been going on for at least a year, probably longer. Lately though, it has started to annoy me. I no longer have to be at work at 6am, so I get to sleep in longer, making my constant bathroom breaks interrupting my sleep a HUGE problem. I love to sleep. I do not love bathroom interruptions.

The other day I looked up overactive nighttime bladder problems on the internet. Come to find out one should be able to sleep through the night without getting up to go to the bathroom until you are 60! 60!!!! WHAT!!! I have been just laying down, letting my stupid bladder interfere with my sleeping schedule for way to many nights because I thought it was just what happened. NO!! My friends, we are only 30! We still get to sleep through the night!! This is unacceptable. According to the internet I either have diabetes or I am pregnant. Not likely. Better chance on the diabetes. But I WILL NOT have diabetes. I will will my body against that.

I have decided to take steps to figure out why I have to pee all night long. First idea...stop drinking so much at night. I drink A LOT at night. This may be my problem. Starting a few days ago, I do not drink anything after 7pm. I now wake up in the morning feeling like a dehydrated camel. The positive thing about this is that I drink a lot more fluids during the day. I drink like a mad women in the morning and then again around 5pm, when I realize I only have two more hours. I drink tons of water in preparation for my liquid fasting that starts at 7pm. It has only been two days and I have yet to make it though the night. But I figure my bladder just needs a few days to adjust. My sister thinks it is psychological. Chalk it up to one more crazy family problem. I would immediately go to the doctor and get tested for diabetes because I am a hypochondriac but my doctor's nurse thinks I am an idiot and so I won't go anymore. The idiot title could have come from me going to the doctors for my self prescribed blood clot in my leg. Which I don't have. Which is also another story.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Humble Age Pie

Instead of studying for my test tomorrow, I will tell you all a story.

As many of you know, I work in a hospital. The other day I was taking care of a patient who looked much to young to be there. I checked out his birthday and noticed he was born in 1972. As I can't multiply 8 times 7 in my head, I most certainly couldn't figure out how old he was in my head but I knew that if he was born in the 70s, he was to young to be there. I was born in the 70s, and I am not about to grace the hospital as a patient. So anywhos- a few hours into my shift, while I was in his room, I glance at his age...36. Wow! He is so OLD...much older then I thought he was. This went through my head for about 30 seconds before I realized that 36 was just a measly 6 years older than I was. I have had friends marry guys that much older. I would marry a guy that much older. He was not that much older then me. And that is when I tucked my tail between my legs and shrunk off to lick my wounds. Because I am almost in my 30's...which is no big deal...until you think of being 36! And yet, even that doesn't sound as old as it used to.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009


I still do not floss. I have quit wearing earrings. But one thing I have done almost every day is put on mascara! Very impressive if I may say so myself. So last week I decided to upgrade my attempts at looking my age by trying out eyeliner. This has been quite the learning experience as I have no idea what I am doing. Thank goodness my sister lives at home so that I can ask her daily about all the ends and outs of eyeliner application! I have also decided that since it takes so much dang effort to put the eyeliner on that there is no way I am covering up my beauty attempts with glasses. So another rather huge step for me is I do not wear my glasses anymore. I feel as if I have lost my best friend...or that my mother has taken away my binky...or something horrible like that. I am going through major glasses withdraw. But I am determined. I may end up being toothless, but dang it, I am going to have stellar lines around my eyes!

Monday, March 30, 2009


I am going to run a May. May 2009. As in a month or so from now. I am going to actually get off my bum in one week. One week. So now you all know. And if come June 1, 2009 I have not run a 5k, you will all know it and I will have to be embarrassed. I am interested to see if this declaring to the world thing works. I have my doubts. I am not embarrassed you all know. And one month is not a very long time for training when one takes the elevator up two floors.
One of my friends wants us to participate in a mini triathlon in August. No worries on that pressure though as I just found an article about how 15% more people die in triathlons then marathons. Sound enough proof to me that I should stay indoors and watch Friends reruns...after I run my May...2009. Not 2010. One month or so from now. Must start walking up stairs.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Today was a busy day. I had class at 7am, after I had to run to the store to pick up some necessities for my upcoming vacation, like candy and magazines and summer clothes that will fit now, not in a month or two when summer is actually here. After that I rushed to start doing laundry/clean my room and clean my bathroom all before going to work. Ok, so in all reality, I am not that busy, but I am trying to set the scene here. Anywhos- I stop to eat lunch, which in the middle of that I had to take the dog out and so finally I sat down for lunch. This is when I notice a weird smell coming from me. I think, "Well, isn't that gross."
The stench kind of comes and goes. I sniff my sweatshirt, which I must admit was dirty but give me some slack, I was cleaning/laundry. Nope, my sweatshirt didn't stink. I keep on eating. Still, random stinkiness. I sniff my food. Nope, my excessively healthy and filling meal of Honeycomb cereal was not the culprit. Hmmm? I sniff my drink. Nope, not that either. So I keep eating, cuz remember, I am on a time crunch, I have to get to work. Still eating, still stinky. Next step is checking my breath...gross if that was the problem, but always a possibility. And no, stench not coming from my mouth. Resume eating. Hum de dum, where is that nasty smell coming from?? And right then, in the middle of my lunch, I realize where the smell is coming from. What was the stinkiness?? It was dog poop...ON MY HAND!!!!! WHAT???? Can you get hepatitis from consuming dog poop? I know you can from human poop, but since I usually don't consume either human or dog feces, I am at a loss! I ATE LUNCH WITH DOG CRAP ON MY HAND!!! So sick. I inspect dog...nope, she neither smells or has crap lingering on HER body. Lucky dog. Next I go to the dog leash. Oh wait, let me specify that the very first thing I did was bleach my hands...OBVIOUSLY. Lesson to be learned though, ALWAYS wash before you eat. Ok, so I go to the leash and there it was, right there on the clip that clips onto the dog collar is the poop. How did my dog get poop all the way up on her collar? Gross. I don't want to know. So that is my gross story. I must now go do some internet searching on hepatitis signs and symptoms. Sick.

PS- I still love dogs. Though if I get hepatitis, I may have to rethink my devotion.

March weather

I just want all of you who do not live in Hell to know that it was -25 degrees windchill this morning. Yep, middle of March and it is drastically below zero. It makes me want to cry. This winter seems to be really dragging. On a plus note, I blame the nasty and horribly long winter on my winter weight gain. At least it is the weather's fault and not my lack of exercise and healthy eating. Stupid weather.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


My previous post, which I meant to be funny, has made one of my dear friends not want a dog anymore! WHAT!!!??? This is not acceptable because dogs are pretty much the best thing ever. So after some contemplating, I decided to repost my Izzy's evil plan, and post another blog about how much I LOVE DOGS. Seriously peoples, I will have dogs before I have children. If I had it my way, I would always have a dog. I shall list a few of the reasons that I love Izzy, despite her pooping problems. Please note how much I must love Izzy for me to still love her after picking up her poo in the in the living room over and over and over again.

Reasons why I love Izzy....

1) She is a great foot warmer. She keeps your feet warm by laying on them, sometime much to her disagreement, but this is what is so great about a small dog, I want her on my feet, I put her on my feet!

2) She is a great watchdog. I actually like having her sleep with me because I know no one is hiding under my bed or in my closet waiting to attack...she may not be able to attack back, but at least she would give me some advanced warning of my impending doom.

3) She looks really awesome after she hangs her head out the moving car window.

4) There is no one who looks better or more humiliated in Halloween costumes, Christmas costumes, Easter Costumes and really any day that we can come up with costumes.

5) She gets really excited when you come home. Sometimes she will even get up to greet you...sometimes...she is really lazy.

6) She thinks all of your cooking is great. And if she won't eat it, well, then you know you screwed up.

7) You dropped something on the ground? No problem, just call Izzy and she will eat it right up. No need for sweeping, mopping, vacuuming. She will eat anything.

8) She is cute, kinda so ugly she is cute category, but whatever, she is cute.

9) And last but not least, she is my friend. She sits there and pretends to listen to me when I am talking. If she was not there, I would be talking to walls and that, my friend, is weird.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Izzy's Evil Plan

Has anyone seen the TV show, Dog Whisperer? I love that show and personally believe that Caesar is pretty much awesome. To be like Caesar...can you even imagine?? The man walks into a room full of bad bad dogs and he just reeks of control and EVERY single dog bows to his command. Incidentally, if you have ever seen Nanny 911 or one of those shows, the teachings are the same. Bad kids, bad dogs, same solution...pick a show, either one will solve all of your problems with your bad dogs or your bad children. Anyways...I digress.

One thing that Caesar and I disagree on is that dogs are not vindictive. Caesar says that dogs do not hold grudges, they do not plot evil plans to get back at you for making them crap outside. I, on the other hand, very firmly believe that dogs can be vindictive and spend their hours sitting in the kennels, carefully planning their next evil plan to make their owners suffer. Case in point...Izzy.

Izzy is my mother's 'Shit zu'. Emphasis on the first syllable. She is my mother's prized possession. If anything were to happen to one of her daughters on your watch, you could probably explain it to her and she would get over it. If anything were to happen to Izzy on your watch, well, you might as well start driving to Mexico because there is no forgiving the ultimate sin of messing with her dog. Izzy has always been a special dog, needing a little extra care and love, cuz she is a little slow. Unfortunately for us, I think she is faking it. I think she pretends to be a little slow, a little on the stupid side, in order to get away with more crapping in the living room...and the closet...and each and everyone of our bedrooms. One may say that Izzy's lack of bowel control is our fault, we are negligent owners, who have not trained her properly or do now spend enough time with her. I know the dog's secret though. As she lays on her pillow on the couch and pretends to sleep for 23 hours a day, she is really contriving her plan, which she will put into action the minute she is left alone. Unfortunately for Izzy, she is never left alone due to the excessive crapping. Someone has to be with her at all times, but this morning...well, this morning was a bad morning.

This morning my parent's alarm clock celebrated it's 31st year by breaking down. Yes, you read correctly, my parents have had the same alarm clock all 31 years they have been married. And today, it finally passed onto it's alarm clock grave. Due to the passing of the clock, my parents both slept in, which also means that my little sister slept in. So my father was late for work. My sister was late for school. And my mother was running late, she had five women coming to our house to carpool to the cities. So I ended up giving my little sister a ride to school, my father took off for work and my mother frantically blew her hair dry and did her makeup. And this, my friends, is the moment when Izzy realized her opportunity. This was the moment she had been waiting for. Finally after months and months of waiting and plotting and planning, she finally had an opportunity to act on her evil plan.

And her evil plan started with a prompt and stinky crapping in the living room, approximately five minutes after she had been let outside to do her business. She chose the living room because the stench would be most noticed by all of the five ladies coming to our house that morning. She than promptly ran downstairs to eat all the food that was on the coffee table. All the candy that she had been eyeing, the bowls and cups that had been left there from last night. She jumped right up, licking everything to her hearts desire, knocking water bottles and juice cups to the ground, gleefully creating a mess. When I returned home less then 15 minutes later, she pranced right up the stairs and, I swear to you, sat down and grinned at me. I knew, I knew she had crapped in the living room. I knew she had destroyed the basement. And because she is slightly slow and special and my mother's dog, I had no choice other then to pick up the crap and the basement. So I cleaned it up and gave Izzy the evil eye. And I swear to you, she gave me the evil eye right back, with a slight grin on her face, thinking, "You think the living room was the only placed I crapped in today, but just you wait cuz when you are least expecting it, you will find the rest, the rest of the poop, and I promise you with all my little dog will, that you will find the poop only when you have no shoes and no socks on and that, my stupid little owner, is when you will find the crap I have hidden...(insert evil laugh)...WAHAHAHAHAH."

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Slightly Masochistic

Wal-mart home waxing kit- $15

Trying to wax yourself with Wal-mart kit- $100,000,000 worth of aggravation and pain. UGH!

Salon price to wax eyebrows, lip, and both legs- $80.

Starter kit for salon quality wax kit that will last for at least a year- $45.00

Satisfaction of getting it right at home- $PRICELESS!!!$

HALLELUJAH!!!! It was the best feeling EVER! One rip and it WORKED!!! I am on my way to becoming a wax addict! Rip, rip,rip!! YES!!!!!! I am not kidding, this is practically orgasmic! Though, I may accidentally be missing an eyebrow soon...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Trained Assassins

One of my goals on my list of becoming a grownup is to become physically fit. This is VERY important to important that I think about it at least once a day. The problem with all this thinking is that it tires me out. So much so that by the time I finish thinking about it, I need a nap.

There are many reasons why I want to be physically fit. My first reason is obvious. Every time I look at a 50-year-old who just got out of open heart surgery at work I think about how much I want to be physically fit. Sometimes when I am eating something especially bad for me, I can feel my arteries in my heart clogging. This is not a good feeling...especially if one does not want to be a 50-year-old open heart surgery patient...which I do not. I like my heart and I want it to be all sorts of clog free and healthy.

Another reason I want to be physically fit is because I have LOTS of really cute clothes. And due to an increase of fluffiness on my part, I can not wear these really cute clothes anymore. This puts me in an especially bad mood on Sundays because I want to wear all of my really cute clothes. The rest of the days of the week I can ignore this lack of cute clothes by wearing scrubs and pajamas. Unfortunately neither of these attires would go over well at church.

My third reason is because I want to be able to outrun any potential attackers. Currently a potential attacker would take me down. But if I was in superb physical shape, I would be able to outrun the bastard. My most wonderful friend Val, who is my physical fitness hero, would be able to outrun any potential bastard attackers. I would have collapsed into an out of breath, sweaty ball of fluff. I want to be more like Val.

Yet another reason is because I secretly want to be a trained assassin. But my undying love of cookies and pajama pants are hindering this goal. I have a major girl crush on the character from NCIS, Ziva. She is pretty much the coolest person EVER. She is a trained assassin and she kicks major butt on the show. I get all sorts of jealous when she takes down all these big bad potential attackers with her mad skills. I want to be just like her...a tough trained assassin and maybe if I worked really hard, I could get myself a cool accent also.

See, I have four solid, concrete reasons to become more physically fit but I have a problem with laziness. As in I am lazy, lazy, lazy. I would much prefer to watch NCIS and eat an entire box of oreos instead of running on the treadmill or doing Tae-bo. I need to conquer my overwhelming laziness. I need to work on my trained assassin moves. I need to get on the treadmill. I need to do Tae-Bo. I need to take my dog running. But first, I need to take a nap.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Tests and Papers and Naps

I am writing this out of pure desperation. I have nothing to say or report on but I SHOULD be studying for my test or writing my paper, both of which are due tomorrow. So instead of doing either, I have spent the day diligently looking for other things to do and I have run out of ideas. I took a nap. I got the mail...I was secretly hoping a good magazine would come so I could read that. I have checked all my of e-mails multiple times, read all the news on CNN, FOX news, and BBC. I watched part of a movie...I certainly couldn't watch all of it, I have TONS of homework! I read some stranger's blogs. I am now writing on my own blog. I guess I could clean my room...hahaha!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Simple Pleasures

1) You know that nasty snow/dirt/ice booger that accumulates behind the tires on your car? Specifically the front wheels? For the last month or more, my driver side front wheel has had a MAJOR cliff hanger hanging off of it. So much so that the wheel would scrape against it whenever I turned a corner. But no matter how much I kicked at it, full body assault on it, I would just hurt my foot or break my shoe...or even hurt my car. I even went at it with my window scraper but no luck. I tried going to a car wash and it didn't even touch it. FINALLY, today after so, so long, I went at it again and it fell off!!!! WOOHOO!!! It was so exhilarating!!

2) While I was going at my snow/dirt/ice booger on my car, I saw a elderly couple, 80s, walking through the parking lot holding hands. So sweet. Makes me smile.

3) I was in the parking lot paying a bill. I know this sounds dumb, but actually having the money to pay the bill makes my day. I think everyone is kind of tight right now and it totally made me happy to be able to pay my bill!!:)

4) Ok, this is a gross one. I went out and bought a new toilet brush, I think one of my sister's stole my old one for their bathroom. At least I hope that is what happened. The concept that I may have actually lost my toilet brush is to disturbing to contemplate. I am a HUGE fan of the disposable plastic Scrubbing Bubbles brushes, which was the kind my sister stole. So I got myself a new one and it came with two 'tough' brushes for tough jobs. What kind of toilet cleaning job actually requires a 'tough' brush, I do not want to know. But I thought I would try it out. Hooked that puppy up and went to town on my toilet. What fun!! It got underneath the lid part that you can't see, oh, it was great. As I was cleaning my toilet, I knew that I was actually enjoying myself, and I knew that was a sad fact. See, I told you, a gross simple pleasure. Though in my defense, I have never minded cleaning the toilet. The bathtub is a whole different story. Can't stand doing that...I hate it almost as much as I hate unloading the dishwasher. Now that is my least favorite job. I may have had to clean my toilet, but at least I didn't have to unload the dishwasher! Simple pleasures!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The weather outside is frightful

Is that how you spell frightful? Cuz it is nasty outside today. Actually it is very sunny, blinding all from the sun bouncing off the snow to the point that you can barely look out your window. And that is about how close you get to the outside, just the window, cuz it is so dang cold out. It is so cold out that you don't even get that close to your window because the cold is seeping into the house through the window panes emitting a frigid 6 inches of cold air in front of the windows. It is currently -36 degrees outside with wind chill. Don't you worry though, we sent all of our school age children to stand outside and wait for the school bus this morning...because it isn't THAT cold.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Kitchen sinks

I have worn mascara and earrings every day except Friday. Which I found all sorts of ironic. The first day that I left my house to go somewhere other than work and I go out with no makeup and a hoodie sweatshirt, very much like how I dressed a week ago everywhere I went! But no more. Not only do I wear mascara and earrings, but I put my face on every day too. And when I am not at work I am sporting my hooker boots, which may not be the most reasonable 'middle of the Artic' foot attire but whatever, they look good. I also have been watching 'What Not to Wear' religiously in order to improve my wardrobe and, of course, for the wonderful makeup tips!

I just learned today that I will have to wear professional clothes to the hospital when I do my clinical workups. The obvious problem is that I have no professional clothing but this is now an excellent reason to buy just such things. The not so obvious problem is that I am a most terrible clothes shopper which my sister knows all to well. I hate clothes shopping and only last about one hour on a good day, before I start to whine and give up. Unfortunately for her, she is my personal shopper as none of my sisters have nominated me for 'What Not to Wear'. So I will be looking to my sister and her very fashionable style to help me find some professional school clothes that look all sorts of hot and wonderful and are in style!:) Which added to my mascara and makeup will turn me into a grownup before I know it.

Stupid punk

Today was my first day of nursing school! So scary! I am very nervous but I do think my fear will encourage me to study harder, so it is all good. Also today I decided that I hate blow drying my hair. What a waste of time! I just have to redo the whole thing again tomorrow! But neither of these two things is the reason for my post.

Today we are having a blizzard. Shocker. I am sick sick sick of winter. Today as I was driving to school I pulled out in front of a SUV. I had stopped at a stop sign and went and just didn't see him. My bad. I knew it the minute I saw him. He still had plenty of time to slow down and probably didn't have to slow down at all but he did. I think the only reason he did slow down was so that the punk 40-year-old could shake his stupid finger at me. It was the pointer finger shake, the bad little kid finger shake. I would have much preferred the middle finger shake over the bad dog finger shake. I think what really got me was that it was some lameo man doing the shaking. Only one man can shake his finger at me and that is my father and I don't think he can even do that anymore as I am no longer 5. Though I do think that 80-year-old men can shake their finger at me. I figure they have lived long enough to think I am an idiot and if they think I am being an idiot, they are probably right. But 79 and younger do not have the infinite knowledge that age brings you once you turn 80. Until then you are just another finger shaking pig and a judgemental fool. If I do something that you find offensive throw that middle finger at me, glare all you want, honk your horn like normal people do, but DO NOT shake your finger at me. I am not your young child and I am not your dog. AAGGHH!! Stupid punk middle aged man.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

SMA; Spinal Muscular Atrophy

SMA is the number 1 genetic killer of children under 2.

One of my very dear friends lost her baby girl to this horrible, horrible disease. Please take the time to look at this link and sign the petition. It is for a VERY good cause. Thanks!

Monday, January 5, 2009

What the good looking doctor can do for me

I have worn mascara every day so far. In fact, I wore it a few days before my starting post so it has been a week. Mascara and earrings every day. Have not left my house without them both. And my theory kinda works. I got dressed every day in actual grownup clothes. One downfall to this actually dressing like a grownup thing is that I have to wake up extra early. I can shower, blow dry my hair and put makeup on in a little under an hour. This means I have to wake up at 5am. It has been amazingly easy to do, though this could be due to the fact that there is an incredibly good looking doctor on my floor right now. He seems to give me extra incentive to get out of bed in the morning so that I can put mousse in my hair! Which, by the way, actually works. For the first time in my entire life, I purchased shampoo and conditioner with a purpose, not just whatever was on sale. I have volumizing shampoo and conditioner now, along with mousse. The combo of those things, plus blow drying my hair has made my previously limp and aging head suddenly alive with volume and finesse! I guess Shayna, my friend and old hairdresser, was right all along! And it has only taken me 29 and 1/2 years to figure it out.

On the note of all these new bathroom activities that have now entered my life, I also have been making a valid effort to put away all of my hair stuff and makeup every morning before I leave, fulfilling another goal of trying to become more organized. I also put my eye glasses in the same spot every day and have not lost those in weeks, which is a drastic improvement from the losing them a few times a day. I also have organized my jewelry box and put my earrings away in the same spot every night. This all means that I have become successful at keeping track and organizing my jewelry, my makeup and my glasses. Baby steps, yes, but as any of my old roommies can attest, these are some huge baby steps. Maybe by the time I actually turn 30, I will be one of those anal retentive people that have to have all of their belongings in a vertical position with exactly one-half inch of space separating them. Good goal. Good goal.