Sunday, August 2, 2009

Things I must do before Tuesday

Tonight I rode my bike home from work. At 11PM. It was dark. I ride really really fast at night because I fear either being hit by a car or being raped. If I ride on the streets, I have a much higher chance of being crushed by a car, breaking every bone in my body or becoming a vegetable from a head/spine injury. My bones do not heal as well as they used to. And I ride an old bike. I can just see my bike tire popping, sending me head first into oncoming traffic, which will not be adhering to the posted speed limits and will not be a bunch of smart cars. Instead, it will be some crazy speeding bus. Smooshed like a bug on a bus. And if my bones are all fixable but my brain is not, my parents do not hold the same belief as I do that if I became a vegetable that they should pull the plug. Dang parents.

If I do not ride on the streets with the high speed vehicles, I have to ride on the bike path and there is one part of the bike path that goes off of the road into the dark abyss. This is where my rape victim percentage goes way up. Tonight I took the rapist option. Pedaled very very fast. Told myself that next time I will take the vegetable risk route. I don't feel like I have any good options to choose from. But the entire way home tonight, I went over and over in my head the things I need to have in my possession before Tuesday which is when I will ride at night again.

First and foremost, I need pepper spray. I personally think that pepper spray is not near as effective as I would like my form of defense to be against future rapists, but all other ideas I have had have been vetoed. I looked into getting a concealed weapons license. My friend was going to take the class with me until I told him that I wanted to be able to carry a handgun with me on my way home so that I can shoot the balls of any potential rapists. He did not think this was the safest or smartest route for me. He may have a point. My next idea was a taser. I liked the taser idea because I could fry the balls of any potential rapist from a distance. Perfect line of defense. I could defend myself from a distance. Until I learned that that kind of taser was illegal. What a joke. The only kind of taser I can use to defend myself is one that you have to actually be touching the rapist to tase him. thanks. So pepper spray it is. That and my pure and utter rage of any sicko who thinks he can jump me on my bike at night. He will certainly miss his balls after I remove them with my fingernails.

The second thing I need is a stronger head light for my bike. Currently my light is this little measly reading lamp like thing attached to my handle bars. I can see a small stream of light coming from it but it barely hits the ground. Fairly pointless as I want to use to it avoid large bumps, crevices, potential rapists, and road kill. Along the same lines of a stronger light, I need to first fix my bike. I am riding my mother's old bike. It is probably close to 15 years old, at least. Good old Huffys! Anywhos- the handle bars are slightly askew, pointing to the left. This is a problem because I don't so much care what is happening to my left. I am much more concerned about what is going on in front of me on the road. When I try to move my light to see in front of me, my bike takes a sharp turn to the right and I land in the bushes. The plus of landing in the bushes is that I will land and smoosh any potential rapists. The bad thing is I will land in a bush and probably break some of my tender bones. Bad news. So I need to fix my handlebars.

Pepper spray, new front light and fix my handle bars. Oh and floss my teeth.


tara said...

Oh Autumn, how I miss you! Here are my thoughts: 1) wear a helmet, then the chances of a TBI are lessened & it makes me feel better; 2): yes fix your handlebars, I'm sure you could get some strong boy to help you if need be; 3): yes, stay away from potential rapists.

yuan family said...

I have pepper spray and feel much more comfortable with it when I run near dusk...Great job with riding your bike!

Jen said...

Good for you riding your bike, but I'd also be scared riding late at night if I were you. I'm such a chicken. Definitely invest in a helmet and then you won't be as breakable!